I was once a Palestinian Sympathizer

Over twenty years ago I thought of myself as being a Palestinian Sympathizer.  Various life experiences altered my views.  I’ll admit that I have my biases with any individual or group that wishes my family, friends, myself and or my people dead.  If I only had one or two examples to share, I might have left things slide — yet after several scary situation I’m a different person and my views changed.

I grew up secular with little knowledge of my faith, so back in 1999 I went to Israel searching.   At the time I knew very little about Israeli politics or the conflict with the people who refer to themselves as being Palestinian.  I’ve always believed everyone deserved a homeland, yet after my experiences I have a strong belief that Israel belong to Jews — and yes, being anti-Israel IS being antisemitic.  Israel is the only place in the world Jews can always call home.

Back in 1999 I went to Israel for the first time. I stayed in Jerusalem for several months.  From the moment I arrived I was warned by several people that it was dangerous for Jews to shop in the Arab quarters (which is now referred to as the Muslim Quarters) within the Old City of Jerusalem.

I was naive when I believed people were people, no matter where they lived or what faith they followed.  I didn’t want to subscribe to the fear.  I watched the news in the United States, and truly believed I’d be safe. My friend Pinky felt the same way as me, so we went shopping in the Arab Quarters.

During our excursion we went to a few stores, before going into another shop which turned into “the little shop of horrors”. At first the owner was very friendly and helpful.  Between Pinky and myself, we must have spent a few hundred dollars on souvenirs for our friends and family members back in the United States.

After our purchases were complete a group of men came out from the back room of the store.  The shop owner along with these men were shouting at us.  “You dirty Jews get out of our store, we don’t want your filth here.  Don’t ever come back”.  Both Pinky and I were in a state of shock.  We left immediately.  As we walked out we realized this group of men were following us.  We started to run, yet they continued chasing us down the narrow road.  We were both frightened and feared for our lives.

Suddenly as we were running, a man grabbed my arm pulling me into his shop.  Pinky followed, in hopes of protecting me.  Both Pinky and I were terrified.  We had no idea who the man was or why he pulled me in.  Once inside the man told us to go into a back room and hide.  To our relief the man was attempting to protect us from what we believed were members of Hamas.

We hid for about thirty minutes. During that time we got to know this hero who saved our lives. As we spoke we learned our hero grew up in Park Ridge, IL (suburb of Chicago, near where I was from)  and went to Maine East High School. As we spoke, I discovered our hero knew a friend of mine who also went to Maine East.  

When it was safe for us to leave the store, our hero wanted to give each of us a gift of anything in his store.  I felt funny taking anything, especially since he already risked his life to save ours.  Our hero insisted, picked up a sterling silver Star of David and handed it to me.  He continued on by saying “I want you to have this so you remember me”, and continued by saying “not all Palestinians are terrorist”.  The Star of David is something I still have and cherish. 

During this same visit to Israel I was living with a family.  I remember watching English speaking news on TV.  I kept hearing about Arab mothers tying bombs on to their children and putting their babies on buses to blow up Jews.  I never heard of this occurring before. This type information was never reported on the news back home.  Sadly twenty something years ago it was a common practice.

After working with abused and neglected children for years, I couldn’t understand why Israeli child protective services didn’t intervene by removing the remaining children out of the homes of the parents that murdered their youngest.  

Several different people explained to me that if Israeli Government removed Arab children out of their homes, that the news media would twist the story, and make it into something anti-Arab, instead of attempts to protect children.  It was at that time I first heard Golda Meir’s famous quote: “Peace will come when the Arabs will love their children more than they hate us.”

My next experience of the hate that many Palestinians had for Jews occurred a few years later when I returned to Israel and lived in Jerusalem.  I had a regular hair stylist who I became friends with.  He cut my hair on several occasions.  Sadly the last time I saw him was an experience I’ll never forget.

My stylist was cutting my hair as we were both chatted.  A group of men entered the salon and called my stylist over.  I had no idea what was going on, yet I could see terror in the eyes my stylist.  

Another stylist came over to me and explained that he would have to finish my hair, that my stylist was unable to finish my hair now or in the future.  My stylist was Palestinian, and the men (who I believe were connected to Hamas) who entered the store warned my stylist  if he was caught cutting the hair of another Jew, that his family members would be harmed and or be killed.  He was also ordered to never communicate with me again.

A few months after my stylist was barred from cutting my hair or of any other Jew, I went with my friend, Elisheva Buxbaum to Hebron for a business meeting.  

The only safe way for Jews to go to Hebron from Jerusalem was by taking an armored bus (which I had done in the past).  Elisheva and I took the bus from Jerusalem to the Cave of the Patriarchs, and then started our walked to where we were having our meeting.

We walked a few blocks before I noticed my shoe laces were untied. I was about to bend down to tie my shoes when Elisheva stopped me.  I had no idea how dangerous that could have been.  Elisheva explained to me that we had to walk through an area under the control of  Hamas to get to where we were going.  She explained the odds were that there were several people inside their homes with assault weapons aimed at us.  Elisheva said bending down to tie my shoe, meant we were targets practice for those who hated Jews.  With my heart being fast, we continued on our way to this vitally important meeting. All I can say is this was a totally different type of experience then if I had been walking alone in a bad neighborhood of Chicago at night.

Elisheva and I continued walking a few more blocks when suddenly we were surrounded by a group of men with assault weapons.  If it wasn’t for the IDF watching us, and coming up behind us in a tank, neither Batsheva or I would have survive.  

Once we got to the meeting, Elisheva told me she wanted me to have the “Hebron experience”, that’s why we walked. Elisheva said on our way back that we would take an armored bus. I was angry at Elisheva at the time, yet with hindsight I learned the valuable lesson she wanted me to experience.

A few weeks after I left Israel, there was a suicide bombing downtown Jerusalem in front of the Sbarro restaurant on the corners King George and Yaffe roads.   This was the very location and time that once a week I would meet my friend Batsheva weekly at the same time of the terrorist attack.  I can’t help but be grateful I left Israel when I did, if I stayed longer both my friend and I would have been killed for being Jews.

The last straw for me was when my friend Chezi Goldberg was murdered.  It was on January 29, 2004 during a terrorist attack on the #19 bus in Jerusalem, Israel. 

Chezi dedicated his short life to helping teens at risk (survivors of childhood emotional, physical and sexual abuse).  He was a valued resource to the organization I founded, and to this day is truly miss him.

Chezi and the other eleven people murdered on that bus did nothing wrong.  They were not violent people.  They were just taking a city bus home.

Once again I have to say, I have a difficult time being supportive to any individual or group of people who wish myself, my friends, family, and or my people dead.

Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach and the #MeToo Movement

 

 

It was the 1960s, Shlomo Carlebach was like a rock star. Most rabbonim were very aware of the complaints, yet weren’t trained in dealing with such issues. You have to understand how things were handled back then. Shlomo liked his women — you ask why so many women have been coming forward over the years claiming abuse? . . . “Let’s just say Carlebach had at least one woman a week, but knowing Shlomo it was more likely he had a few women a day — times that by 40 years of doing kiruv (Jewish outreach).” — Rabbi Yosef Blau, Rosh Yeshiva at Yeshiva University (2004)

Back in 2004, Rabbi Yosef Blau was a member of the Board of Directors of The Awareness Center, and was explaining to me who Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach was. The above quote has been on The Awareness Center’s web page for nearly 20 years.

If Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach assaulted one woman a day for 40 years, he would have assaulted 14,660 women in his lifetime, yet according to Rabbi Yosef Blau — Shlomo Carlebach “allegedly” assaulted more then one female a day. If Rabbi Blau along with the multitude of rabbis I spoke to over the years are correct, Shlomo Carlebach is one of the most prolific sexual predators in the history of humankind.

Recently I was told that once again there’s a movement which is being spearheaded by Rabbi Angela Warnick Buchdahl who serves as the senior rabbi of Central Synagogue in New York City, to make it socially acceptable for Neshama Carlebach and others to sing Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach’s songs publicly.

In honor and in memory of the teenage girls and adult women who over the decades disclosed they were sexually assaulted by Carlebach, this movement needs to be stopped.

Shlomo Carlebach passed away October 21, 1994, since that time there have been several attempts to make this prolific, “alleged” sexual predator into a tzaddick (saint).  

Years ago a group tried to have a street in New York City named after Carlebach, and then a Broadway musical was written about him by people who say they support the #MeToo movement.

Can you imagine the toll all of this has been for the survivors of Shlomo Carlebach?  Just image what it was like for survivors and their support people to walk into a synagogue or another Jewish institutions or events where everyone was celebrating the man, when you considered to him to be a sex predator.

A few months ago I was contacted by an individual who is creating a documentary about Shlomo Carlebach’s life. The individual was wanting to speak to a particular survivor who disclosed her story to me several years ago. The survivor granted permission to The Awareness Center to publish her testimony anonymously on the page regarding Carlebach.  The survivor was highly respected and established in her community, and needed anonymity.

I have to be honest, I was conflicted when I was asked to connect the individual creating the documentary to the survivor.  I was haunted by the thought of asking any of the Carlebach survivors to share a painful and ugly part of their lives with another reporter.  

The Carlebach survivors have already been through enough!  How many times are these women expected to go on the record?  These women owe us nothing.  Why can’t what they shared years ago be enough?

When a survivor goes public, their lives will be changed forever.  Yes, there’s some individuals in their lives who would be supportive — yet many survivors report that are meet them with disbelief.  Many survivors are shamed, blames, harassed, stalked, loose friends, and or family members. A few survivors have reported that they have also became unemployed after their disclosures.

If Shlomo Carlebach was still alive he would be nearly a hundred years old.  The first group of women he “allegedly” assault would also be around his same age. The vast majority of whom are no long with us.

Please note that I use the word “allegedly” because Shlomo Carlebach was never convicted of a crime.  The reasoning being that during most of the years of Carlebach’s “alleged” reign of terror — there weren’t laws on the books to have him criminally prosecuted.  

It’s important for everyone to understand Shlomo Carlebach’s “alleged” criminal behavior from a historic perspective.  

No one knows for sure how long Shlomo Carlebach had been “allegedly” sexually assaulting teenage girls and adult women.  What we do know is that in 1959, rabbi Moshe Feinstein wrote a rabbinic decree banning Shlomo Carlebach’s music.

Up until January 1, 1984, there were no laws on the books in the United States to have Shlomo Carlebach prosecuted for many of the sex crime he “allegedly committed. Before 1984 it was not socially acceptable to have a sex offender prosecuted.  The belief was that the blame of a sex crime belonged to those who were victimized, and not the offender.

Up until 1972 there were no rape crisis center in the United States for survivors of sex crimes to get help.  The first rape crisis centers were established in major cities and politically active towns such as Berkeley, New York, Chicago, Boston, Philadelphia, and Washington, DC.  They had little funding and we’re not a place women in the Jewish Orthodox world would visit.

Rape Crisis Centers had little funding until The Violence Against Women Act of 1994 (VAWA) was past, which has been a federal law (Title IV of the Violent Crime Control and Law Enforcement Act, H.R. 3355) which was signed into law by President Bill Clinton on September 13, 1994.

Sadly during the decades of Carlebach’s reign of terror against women, folks didn’t make police reports.  Instead the women and family members of who were assaulted went to their rabbis or other community leaders to make complaints.  Nothing was done to stop the perpetrators.  The women and parents of children were told to keep the assaults quiet or the women and children when they became marriage age would not get good marriage partners, also were told no one would believe them and or would be blamed for the assaults.

Like many children of sexual predators, it’s completely understandable that Carlebach’s daughters are still having a difficult time coming to terms with all aspects of their fathers life, yet the fact is that according to reports and disclosures Shlomo Carlebach “allegedly” sexually assaulted thousands of women during his life.

Contact rabbi Angela W. Buchdahl

clergy@censyn.org

(212) 838-5122 x1000

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The Incest Secret

By Vicki Polin, MA

Recently an article was published regarding an incest survivor in Australia, who’s stepfather sexually assaulted his stepchild over 1800 times.

The truth of the matter is that many children who are raped inside their homes are often raped daily.  To the best of my knowledge there is no research into this topic.  No one knows the statistics on what the average number of times an incest survivor who is sexually assaulted within the home. 

There are various types of incestuous sexual predators.  Some relatives only offend their daughters, others are only interested in their sons.  There are also other offenders who are only attracted to children within a particular age group, while others offenders, age and or sex doesn’t matter.  

There is also a subgroup of incest survivors who stated that their abuse continued on into their adulthood.  Even though this group of survivors were biologically adults, emotionally/psychologically they were still children.

I was just playing around with numbers and this is what I came up with.  Considering these facts, why is it very few advocacy and news media groups addressing the issue of incest.

Raped 1 time per day (365 days in a year) x 18 years = 6570

Raped 1 time per day (365 days in a year) x 9 years = 3285

Raped 1 time per day (365 days in a year x 6 years = 2190

Raped 1 time per day (365 days in a year x 3 year = 1095

Raped 1 time per day (365 days in a year x 1 year = 365

https://www.couriermail.com.au/news/regional/stepfather-has-no-regard-for-daughter-he-raped-1800-times/news-story/6bee7a8444aa612e3397e92f5789bcfe

Violence Against Women is NOT Acceptable

In Memory of Gail Polin

In Memory of Gail E. Polin 

April 7, 1933 - February 17, 2019

Gail Ellyn Polin,  Age 85 was the wife of Sidney Richard Polin for 64 years. 

Beloved mother of Lori Polin-Silva, Jan(Dennis) Costis and Victoria Polin.  

Proud grandmother of Tamara(Shaya) Avner, Christopher, Alex and Pamela Costis. 

Beloved great grandmother of Elka Baila and Emma Rose Avner. 

Cherished Sister of the late Evan (Addie) Green.

Fond sister-in-law of the late Paul (Marsha) Polin.

Gail will be missed by her nieces and nephews including: Steven, Cheryl, Barbara, Janet, Robin, Edward and Stephanie.

Graveside services Monday 2:30 PM at Shalom Memorial Park, 1700 West Rand Road, Arlington Heights, IL.

In lieu of flowers memorials may be made to Chicago Mitzvah Campaign, 2939 West Touhy Ave., Chicago, Illinois 60645 www.chicagomitzvahcampaign.org or to The Jewish Foundation for the Righteous, 80 Main Street, Suite 380, West Orange, NJ 07052 www.jfr.org.

My Grandpa Sam

I never met my grandpa Sam since he passed away a year before I was born.  

Throughout my childhood I heard stories about his life. As an adult I started to put together a timeline of what I knew about him, trying to understand who he was as a person.

Sam was born in Kishinev, Russia in 1898.  

My grandfather was only five years old during the infamous pogrom which occurred in his hometown on April 19, 1903.

According to an account in the New York Times, the program began when:

“The mob was led by priests, and the general cry, "Kill the Jews," was taken- up all over the city. The Jews were taken wholly unaware and were slaughtered like sheep. The dead number 120 and the injured about 500. The scenes of horror attending this massacre are beyond description. Babes were literally torn to pieces by the frenzied and bloodthirsty mob. The local police made no attempt to check the reign of terror. At sunset the streets were piled with corpses and wounded. Those who could make their escape fled in terror, and the city is now practically deserted of Jews.”

According to a letter written by one of my grandfather’s older sister, a Christian neighbor hid my five year old grandfather and the rest of my family in a pig pen — one of the last places they thought the mob would think of looking for a Jewish family.

I don’t remember exactly what year his family immigrated to the United States, yet I do know it was before 1912. A Jewish agency sponsored them, and relocated them to a small farm in Covert, MI.  

I don’t remember what year my grandfather left Covert, yet I do know he and his siblings moved to Chicago as young adults — while their parents remained in Covert for many years. 

As an adult my grandpa Sam became a druggist and owned his own drugstore, up until the laws changed, and was forced to switch careers since he was unable to read and write well enough in English to take the test to become a registered pharmacist. 

From various accounts regarding his life, I’m sure my grandfather had PTSD from his experiences in Kishinev.

Reflection on Projection

I was just reflecting on my life, and was reminded what impact the concept of being an  independent thinker has had on my life, and how projection of others thoughts and feels has impacted my way of life. 

During the 15 years I ran The Awareness Center (which was the international Jewish Coalition Against Sexual Assault) I was accused of being a radical right winged conservative because I assisted survivors from some of the most insulated Jewish communities, and did my best to understand a culture very different then my own.  

What I thought was funny about those attacks was the fact that my bio clearly stated that I have an undergraduate degree in feminist studies, along with a masters degree in one of the clinical counseling fields. 

At the same time I was being attacked for being a radical conservative, folks from the ultra orthodox Jewish world would scream that I was a self-hating Jew, and called me a feminazi or a crazed liberal feminist — because I would shine a light on what I considered to be sexism and discrimination.  They couldn’t grasp the concept that a woman from a secular background could carry any political weight in their world — and because of that weight I carried I became I a threat they felt needed to be destroyed.  

So who am I politically?  I have never been a member of any political party.  My reasoning is that I don’t want to be subjected to “group thought” or peer pressure.  

I do my best to examine who supports the causes that are important to me, and vote accordingly.  I wish everyone else in the United States would do the same thing.  Vote with your heart, and not due to what your friends, family and or clergy members tell you to do.  It is important for each of us to be independent thinkers.