Important Reminder: When reviewing
this list it is important to remember that the information provided should
not be used as the soul determiner of childhood sexual abuse. This list only
provides the reader with a list of some common Coping Mechanisms that are
used by many adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse. It is also important
to remember that coping mechanisms are learned behavioral patterns used to
cope. They are not necessarily all "good" or "bad". Many individuals have
used their abuse learned coping mechanisms to benefit them professionally
and in other personal situations.
1. Minimizing abuse history/herstory and actions
of offender(s).
2. Rationalization of one's victimization. "Oh,
he/she just didn't know any better. He/She was also abused as a child".
3. Denial is more comfortable for both a child
and adult survivor to pretend the abuse never occurred, than face the
emotional/psychological pain of the violation.
4. Repression/Forgetting. One's body's way of
denying victimization
5.
Splitting. Seeing
the world in terms of black and white (no shades of gray). Common in survivors
when the behavior of the offender was either abusive or loving (no
middle).
6. Lack of Integration. On the inside feeling
you are bad/evil. On the outside being a super achiever. Developing a "false
self".
7.
Out of body
experience(s) during the abuse. Feeling that one watched the abuse
occurring to one's body.
8. Control Issues. The more chaotic family life
in childhood, the stronger control issues are an issue.
9.
Dissociation/Spacing
Out. Everyone does this at times; the difference is degree and frequency.
Example of normal dissociation: Driving a car and realizing you are farther
along then you believed.
10. Hyper awareness/Super alert. Awareness of
everyone and everything around you.
11. Workaholism/Business. Staying busy is one
way of avoiding feelings.
12. Escape/Running away. Passive ways include
reading books, sleeping and watching television. It's important to remember
fantasies can be the source of a rich creative life and can be vital to
healing.
13.
Psychiatric
Hospitalizations. Can be used as a respite from intense feelings
and/or flashbacks.
14.
Self -
Mutilation/Self-Harm/Self-Injury. Internalization of offender. Instead
of being hurt by victimizer, survivor hurts one's self. Often releases intense
feelings and/or numbness after mutilation occurs.
15.
Suicide
Attempts. Often occurs when survivors feels trapped with no way out.
"Don't kill yourself, call a friend, your therapist or a crisis hot-line
instead!"
16. Isolation. Feeling safer when alone ("No
one can hurt me if I'm alone").
17.
Addictions
are common ways of coping with the pain of sexual abuse. They are usually
self - defeating and self - destructive (drugs,
food, gambling,
sex . . . ).
18. Lying. When children are told not to tell
anyone, the offenders are teaching children to lie. Many survivors are compulsive
liars, the abuse being the biggest of them all.
19.
Religion.
Safety can be found attaching one's self to a belief system that has clear
boundaries and rules.
Traditional religion
can provide an anchor. The lure of divine forgiveness can be a powerful
pull for the survivor who still feels the abuse was his/her fault. Unfortunately,
destructive cults can
also be alluring to an adult survivor for some of the same reasons.
20. Avoiding Intimacy. Seeming open and friendly
on the surface but hiding real feelings inside. "Avoiding intimacy keeps
one safe - and sometimes leads to positive traits such as independence and
autonomy-- it also means missing out on the rewards healthy relationships
can bring." (E. Bass & L. Davis, 1988).
21. Manipulation. Adult survivors, who are diagnosed
as having a Borderline Personality often are told they are being manipulative.
Once they are able to identify, process and express feelings attached to
manipulative behavior and taught other ways of getting needs met, the
manipulation will usually cease.
References:
- Bass, Ellen & Laura Davis. The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse. New York: Harper & Row, 1988.
- Chutis, Laurieann. Flashbacks. Chicago, IL. Ravenswood Hospital & Medical Center, Dept. of Consultation and Education.
- Davis, Laura. Allies In Healing: When The Person Your Love Was Sexually Abused As A Child. New York: Harper, 1991.
- Gil, Eliana. Outgrowing the Pain: A Book For And about Adults Abused As Children. New York: Dell Publishing, 1983.
- Ideran, Mary. Adult Survivors Signs & Symptoms Checklist The Changing Women in Calumet City.
- Lew, Mike. Victims No Longer: Men Recovering From Incest & Other Sexual Child Abuse. New York: Harper Collins, 1990.
- Napier, Nancy J. Getting Through The Day: Strategies for Adults Hurt as Children. New York: W.W. Norton, 1993.
