By Vicki Polin and Michael J. Salamon
Cliffview Pilot - September 5, 2010
Besides the fact that it’s trendy,
many young adults today feel that having tattoos is a way to define who
they are as a person. But that declaration of individuality could
contain an ominous message, one that requires we all pay attention.
Although once part of everyday popular culture, the trend has blossomed among those from extremely religious backgrounds.
Sometimes it’s a call for help.
In a recent case, a 14-year-old
boy‘s father became livid when the teen had a dove professionally etched
in blue and white on his thigh. The father was understandably upset and
wanted to ground his son for life. He also threatened to sue the tattoo
artist for proceeding without adult permission.
According to his son, he completely missed the point.
“I am telling my father in a very rebellious way that I want peace in
the house,” the son said. “I am so tired of his anger and shouting.”
At a kosher butcher’s shop recently, a teenage girl on line pushed
the hair off the nape of her neck to reveal a small Star of David inked
onto her skin. Who knows what motivated her to tattoo herself with that
symbol at that place? A reasonable guess is that she was proud of her
heritage but did not want many people to see the “art.”
After all, tattoos aren’t permitted in the Jewish faith.
Here’s where it gets sticky:
Self-mutilation is often a symptom of unresolved psychological
issues, usually associated with those who’ve been physically or sexually
abused. In its worst stages, youngsters cut or burn themselves until
they bleed.
Those who’ve done it have said they felt numb or in such severe
emotional pain that the physical pain they cause themselves helps
relieve some of the emotional distress.
No one is saying that getting a tattoo falls under that category. For
one thing, it’s done in one location and, in most places, not
repeatedly. At the same time, research shows that we cannot ignore it as
a POSSIBLE indicator of trouble.
A recent study of 236 college students at a Catholic liberal arts
school found a correlation among sexual activity, tattoos and body
piercing — but none between body modifications and religious beliefs or
practice. One possible explanation is that those who tattooed themselves
were rebelling against their childhood lifestyles.
Over the years we’ve seen victims of abuse move from Torah-observant,
Orthodox households into more secular surroundings. At the same time,
many abuse victims from secular backgrounds have shifted from what they
grew up with and headed on a journey of becoming more observant.
Both groups of survivors have one thing in common: They are searching
for a deeper meaning, reason and or purpose to why they were targeted
to be victimized.
In the Orthodox world, a woman wouldn’t be caught dead in short
sleeves in public, let alone wearing a bathing suit. Yet one survivor,
who was sexually abused by an older brother for four years, beginning
when she was 11, disclosed that she had the words “Kadosh, kadosh,
kadosh” (holy, holy, holy) tattooed in Hebrew on her back in her
thirties.
She deliberately labeled herself, she said, so that both she and the world would know that no one could ever abuse her again.
We’ve encountered all types of ethical dilemmas working with Jewish
survivors of childhood abuse. But this now is a trend that carries
severe implications for those who submit to the tattoo gun. Raising the
ethical stakes, youngsters tend to have various prayers that have great
meaning to them tattooed on their arms, backs, legs and chests.
One had Torah verses inked into her skin: “Hear oh Israel the L-rd is
G-d the L-rd is one”, “Hashem shall bless you and watch over you.
Hashem shall shine the light of His/her face upon you and make you
favorable. Hashem shall raise his face towards you and make peace for
you.”
The Torah often tells us — figuratively — to “write these words on your heart,” not on the vessel that conveys you through life.
Which brings us to another serious drawback:
According to Jewish law, these words are not allowed in a bathroom or
in view of a naked body. One halachic advisor has told survivors to
cover those areas of their bodies when going to the bathroom or taking a
shower. Yet there are times when this is impossible to do, depending on
where the tattoos are.
Growing up Jewish and being sexually abused as a child — especially
in the ultra-Orthodox world — becomes a greater nightmare when no one
believes the survivor or gets him or her the necessary help from a
qualified mental health provider.
All too often, nothing is done at all. Either the victims feel so
much shame that either they don’t tell anyone or it takes years to do
so, or they‘re simply not believed when they do.
As children, and even as young adults, many of these survivors had no
idea how to deal with or process the thoughts and emotions that go
along with being sexually victimized. When a survivor lacks words or is
disbelieved, the emotional pain intensifies. All too often, they turn
to drugs or food as a coping mechanism to anesthetize the pain.
Or they attack the “thing” that caused them pain in the first place: their bodies.
In many ways, people look upon these symbols as cool or hip.
Unfortunately, they can also represent a cry for help, not unlike
certain other forms of self-mutilation. It’s important that those of us
whose loved ones take to the tattoo needle make it our business to find
out the REAL story behind the markings, just in case.
