© (2009) by Vicki Polin, MA, LCPC
The
story I am about to share is not uncommon, yet is one in which is
rarely discussed in the Jewish community: The Awareness Center was
contacted by an adult survivor of child sexual abuse who was recently
sexually victimized by the relative of a good friend. We'll call her
"Lisa."
It
took Lisa weeks to make a police report because she feared losing her
friend and her community. She became very irritable, depressed and was
having difficulty sleeping. She finally called a rape-crisis hotline,
which helped her to make a police report.
Lisa’s fear was that if she did this she would lose everything that had meaning to her, yet she also wanted to feel safe again.
Lisa
did everything in her power to do the right thing. She wanted to
maintain a friendship with the relative, yet after making a police
report against her offender, the longtime friendship ended.
Lisa’s story is not unlike many other women put into this same position. She had to make some difficult choices.
She
could keep her silence, which would help her maintain the long-term
friendship, or she could fight to have the right to choose who has the
right to touch her body.
Unfortunately,
by choosing to fight to protect her body, she ended up losing a friend
-- and the entire community she belonged to.
Lisa is no longer welcome in the home of her friend, nor in the only synagogue she knew and felt comfortable attending.
The
high holidays are approaching and Lisa has no place she feels safe to
daven (pray). She described her experience as being shunned by the only
family and home she ever really felt safe in.
Lisa
has been in tears feeling that she is being punished for trying to
protect herself and other women who might also have been assaulted by
her offender. She said she would be unable to walk into any other shul
for fear that this could happen again, and that if she made new friends
she could lose them all over again.
We
all need to understand that a vast number of those who were sexually
abused as children stand a higher risk of being sexually victimized
again in adulthood. The Awareness Center hears numerous accounts of
this phenomenon happening several times a month.
As
a people and a nation, we as Jews need to figure out what we can we do
to help survivors like Lisa! Please do what you can to start
discussions on this issue with your rabbis, other community leaders,
synagogues and friends.
