Statistics: Sex Crimes Committed by Landlords

No Resolution For Jewish Survivors of Sex Crimes

(Article originally published in "The Times of Israel - September 30, 2015) 

Over the past thirty years of being involved in the anti-rape movement, I’ve worked with hundreds of survivors of clergy abuse from just about every faith.

Though each religion has its own beliefs and protocols in the way allegations of sex crimes should be handled, there are so many similarities between the various in which these institutions have operated. 
Sadly it appears that the status quo has been to cover-up sex crimes after they have been committed, and then to turn around and blame those who have been victimized.  

For years many activists have joked, "that it’s almost as if religious leaders of all faiths went to the same school to learn how to mishandle cases involving clergy, along with employees of their religious institutions."

Though each faith might use different terminology in their rationals and religious laws, it all boils down to one thing;  The reputations of their clergy members, community leaders and institutions come first.  Very few really seem to care about the long term effects and ramifications sex crimes plays on those who have been victimized.  

I’ve heard it over and over again, from professionals working with survivors of clergy sexual abuse, that it is as if those in affiliated with religious institutions in leadership roles “are nothing more then a part of  the good ole boys club”.  Which makes it appear that they care more about reputations, then about innocent lives of congregants (including men, women and children).

Over the last several weeks, since the first announcement that the Pope Francis was coming to the United States and since he left; I’ve been flooded with emails along with postings on both Facebook and Twitter regarding the Catholic churches inaction when it came to cases of clergy sexual abuse, along with complaints regarding the continued mishandling of more recent cases.

Every time I received one of these announcements regarding the Pope, I can't help but to thinking to myself that on some levels my Catholic friends have it so much easier then us Jews.  Within Judaism, there is not one central person in charge of our faith.  Meaning there’s not one person to place the blame.  Instead it feels as if we have zillions of pontiffs.  Within Judaism, there is no Pope.  Instead each and every rabbi is more or less like the rulers of their own kingdom.

According to years of research on the topic, I’ve learned that there is really no way to “defrock” a rabbi.  In the Jewish Renewal, Reform, Reconstructionist and Conservative movements, receiving rabbinical ordination is like receiving a college degree.  There’s no taking it back.  In the orthodox world, there are some that say that if the rabbi who gave the ordination takes it back, then the person is no longer considered ordained.  The problem with this is that often rabbis receive multiple ordinations, meaning various rabbonim would have to remove their smichas.  Another issue is the fact that if the ordinating rabbi is deceased, there’s nothing one can do to remove the ordination.

Some believe that if a rabbi is a member of a rabbinical organization it provides some sort of protection for the rabbis followers.  The truth is that it does not.  The worst thing that can happen is that the alleged offender might have their membership terminated.  The alleged offender is still allowed to call themselves rabbi.

Over the years we have seen rabbis or other community members who have been accused of a sex crime chased out of town after committing heinous acts; yet allowed to move on to a new, unsuspecting community –– where the alleged offender can have free reign in victimizing more men, women and or children.

Another issue we have seen happen time after time is that an alleged or convicted sex offender will hop from one movement of Judaism to another to avoid suspicion, without any sort of notification to other branches of Judaism, which offers the alleged assailant the illusion they can roam free to offend again.

Unfortunately, to date there are no solution to any of these issues –– leaving our communities vulnerable.

(Originally published by The Times of Israel on September 30, 2015)

Jewish Women Against Rape

(Incest, Child Sexual Abuse, Sexual Assault, Sexual Harassment, Clergy Sexual Abuse, Professional Sexual Misconduct)

The quasi-orthodox Jewish world compared to the BITE Model of Cult Mind Control

(This article was originally published by The Awareness Center on November 6, 2013, and republished by The Times of Israel on October 12, 2015)

Over the last fifteen years of my life I’ve been working within various movements of Judaism, from the unaffiliated to the ultra-orthodox. When I first got started I was unaware of the many facets of orthodox Judaism. What I used to consider extremely observant, is actually considered to be modern orthodox. As the years progressed I started to understand the diverse populations within the Jewish orthodox world. The vast majority of orthodox Jews do not fall into the category of being considered cult like. Yet there are some small splinter groups within the far-right movement of Judaism, which appear to fall into this category.

Recently I decided to go through Steve Hassan’s “BITE Model of Cult Mind Control” to compare these splinter groups of the Jewish orthodox world to see if they would fall within the BITE Model to verify if my hypothesis was correct. Below are some of my findings when answering the 15 questions under the Behavior category. 

While reading the following please be aware that I am NOT comparing “mainstream orthodox Judaism" to the "BITE Model", only the extremist groups within ultra-orthodox communities; such communities as those in which Jewish survivors of sex crimes in the past have shared that they were not allowed to make hot-line reports when they suspect a child is being abused or neglected to the secular authorities without the permission of their rabbis first. It is in these types of communities, rabbis’ regulate just about everything that goes on in their community members life.

1. Regulate individual’s physical reality: In mainstream Judaism, a person who keeps kosher and shabbat (the Jewish sabbath) is considered an Orthodox Jew. In the eyes of many of those living within the eruv of an ultra-orthodox, extremist group, an individual is not even considered Jewish, let alone a Torah observant Jew –– unless the individual does exactly what their particular rabbi says to do. In these types of communities if one goes to a rabbi with a question and does not like the answer, they are NOT allowed to go to another rabbi to get another response. To do so is consider heresy. 

2. Dictate where, how, and with whom the member lives and associates or isolates. In some of the extremist groups, and depending on how insulated the community is, the rabbi will dictate where, how, and with whom the member lives and associates or isolates with. 

The whole concept of the shadchan (matchmaker) is an example of this. One can not just find a mate and get married, there is a process to getting married. In many of these communities parents will hire a shadchun who will present possible suitors for a potential bride. If the woman is from the right kind of family then the possible mate may be a rabbi or from a prominent family. It’s sort of like what happens when trying to marry off someone from a royal family or like the concept of using a dowry.

If the child is not from ‘the right kind of family’ they may not be introduced to someone who has any standing within the community. Instead they most likely would be told by the shadchan they need to settle for someone who they do not feel comfortable with. If the individual looking for a mate is a troublemaker (doesn’t keep to the rules of the community or questions authority), they will not be able to find a good marriage partner. If the individual is male, they also may not be able to get into a good yeshiva (Jewish day school, high school or seminary). In these type of extremist communities, this almost like getting a death sentence. Without being able to study Torah under the right rabbi, could basically influence the standing within the community the rest of his life.

3. When, how and with whom the member has sex. In the more extremist orthodox communities, the issue of modesty runs rampant to the degree that no male over the age of 13 is allowed to touch a woman, except for a woman after he is married. In a more liberal chassidic or yeshivish community a woman is allowed to be hugged by her father and male siblings, even after she reaches the age of 13. In the more main stream orthodox community this is a non-issue. 

When a woman gets married and starts her monthly menstrual cycle –– up until the time her rabbi says she is allowed to go to the Mikvah her, husband is not allowed to touch her. This includes shaking hands or any other type of physical contact. In the more extreme orthodox communities, once a woman’s period is over she must wait 7 days before her husband will bring a pair of her panties to the rav or rebbe of the community, who will look at the underwear to determine if she’s “clean”. Meaning there’s no stains. In these more extreme orthodox communities, a trained rabbi will also be able to tell from the underwear (or a cloth used to wipe themselves to bring to their rabbi) if the woman needs to seek medical attention from an OB/GYNE for gynecological care. A woman can go at any time to see a doctor, as long as it’s a doctor recommended by the rav or rebbe. In a few of these communities there is NO such thing as confidentiality or doctors following HIPPA . Many Jewish survivors, who came from these more insulated communities described that they learned that it was vitally important for all doctors and mental health professionals to report their findings to their rav or rebbe, so the rav or rebbe can keep tabs on everyone. 

Once a rav or rebbe (rabbi) clears a woman, she can go to the mikvah. In some of the more extremist types of ultra-orthodox communities, once a woman has gone to the mikvah, she must return straight home and have sexual relations with her husband right away –– because at that time she is considered clean and pure. 

Again in some of the more extremist communities one of the beliefs for having sexual relations, is for procreating; yet it is also important to note that it is the man’s responsibility to please his wife.

The belief in many orthodox communities is that while making love, one must have only pure and holy thoughts. Afterwards both the husband and the wife should thank Hashem for the possibility of life. 

According to halacha (Jewish Law), it’s a sin for a man to have sexual relations outside of the marriage. Yet it is a forgive able sin as long as the act is with an unmarried woman or a non-Jew. The only exception to this rule is if a man is a kohan, and the the rules get changed up. A kohan can never have sexual relations with anyone except the woman he is married to, or else he can loose his status of a Kohan. If a male is sexually abused as a child, he then has to ask G-d for forgiveness to maintain his status as a Kohan. A Kohan is someone who is a descendant of Aaron. 

According to halacha, adultery only occurs when both the man and the woman are married to other people. This view is often taught in the yeshivish and chasidic world. In the more modern orthodox world this definition no longer is true, yet in the more extremist groups they believe halacha is halacha (Jewish Law). 

Getting back to the Mikvah. In a few of the more extremely insulated charedi communities, after the rav or rebbe gives the husband permission to have sexual relations with his wife, and sees the man the next day, the custom is to go up to him and say “Mazel tov”. Because having sexual relations is the potential of bringing a new life into the world.

It’s important to note that the reason why a man does not have sexual relations with his wife once she gets her period, is NOT because she’s “unclean”. It has to do with the fact that the belief is that she and her body is in a state of mourning -- for the potential life that never became a reality. 

4. Control types of clothing and hairstyles. The local orthodox rabbi or Vaad (rabbinical counsel) will determine what clothing and hair styles are appropriate for people to wear. A married woman will never show her hair in public. It will be covered by a snood or sheitle (wig). The only person who can see a married woman’s hair is her husband or children. In some groups, boys can only see their mother’s hair if the child is under the age of 13. Female children it doesn’t matter. 

A woman’s neck line should always be covered. No one but her husband should ever see her collar bone, elbows or knees. In some insulated communities, a woman always is wearing stockings so that her skin doesn’t show on her legs, including her feet. You’ll find this in the chassidic world and in some of the more yeshivish communities.

5. Regulate diet - food and drink, hunger and/or fasting. The rules of kashrut changes from community to community. It all can get extremely political. The idea of hechshers is relatively new. Prior to WWII most people shechitaled (slaughtered) their own cows and chickens, and knew how to clean food properly to insure there were no bugs or other insects and also to be sure that what they were eating followed halacha. 

Today very few people kill their own animals or watch them being slaughtered (except in the more ultra-orthodox chassidic world, where people watch to make sure it’s being done correctly prior to buying meat). Also many people will only buy frozen vegetables what have the correct hechsher from the proper kashering group set by the standards of the rabbi they follow. Also to ensure food is kosher, there needs to be someone who is called the mashgiach (kosher supervisor) to supervise food preparations to insure everything is done properly at various gatherings and restaurants. 

There are TWO major fast days in Judaism and 7 minor types of fast days. How you do these are often regulated by rabboinm. If someone can’t fast for a fast day, they must get clearance from the rav prior to the fast day. Even if a doctor says it’s dangerous to fast the rav has got to give you permission to eat, and often he will instruct you in how to eat, i.e. small bits of food and small sips of water throughout the day, etc.

6. Manipulation and deprivation of sleep. I've never heard of this happening in any Jewish groups, except on shavout, when men stay up all night studying Torah, yet some men at one point do go to sleep.

7. Financial exploitation, manipulation or dependence. This is a tricky one. Rabbis of communities may determine where you can shop and the type of things you are allowed to buy. In a particular type of Chabad community you are not allowed to buy your children anything with animals on it, except if the animal is something you can eat. The same goes for children’s books. Because food has to be kosher and you may only be allowed to buy food at a particular store or with a particular kashering label, it can cost you 3 to 4 times as much as no kosher food. 

You can also only send your children to the schools chosen by your rabbi. These schools are extremely expensive. If you follow the rules and regulations you might be able to get discounts, scholarships, etc for your kids to attend school; along with several other types of perks given to those who are under the thumb of the rebbe or rav.

8. Restrict leisure, entertainment, vacation time. A rav or rebbe will determine what kinds of leisure activities are kosher, along with things you do for entertainment and vacation time. An example of this is during Halamod Pesach (the days in between the holy days passover), a religious group will rent out Hershey Park and make it kosher food available They make it into a huge party of sorts and it is over taken by the mostly frum population, yet they do allow anyone to come in.

When it comes to entertainment you are not allowed to have a television in your home and computer use is regulated. You are NOT allowed to go to movies, except at a shul or other Jewish establishment and the the movies are chosen by the rav or rebbe. Music is also censored. Your rabbi will determine what music is allowable and what is not. This includes concerts. Women are allowed to hear both men and women sing, but men are banned from hearing women sing, except if it’s their wife in private and their own children as long as the female children are under the age of 13. The issue is that a woman’s singing voice can an arose a man, and it is the woman’s responsibility not to be sexually arousing to men. According to the ultra-orthodox extremist groups, men can not control their impulses. This is also why they believe women get raped -- because it’s something the woman or female child has done. The same thing goes for dancing. That is why at weddings and other celebrations women are behind a mechitza (fence). I’ve attended weddings where the women are seated in a totally different room or even in an alternative building. 

9. Major time spent with group indoctrination and rituals and/or self indoctrination including the internet. I already spoke about the internet. Men are supposed to spend their days studying torah or learning with the rebbe or rav. In some communities this all they do throughout their lives and it’s the woman who not only cares for the children and home, but also works outside the home. 

10. Permission required for major decisions. This is required in almost all orthodox communities including in a few living in the more modern orthodox world.

11. Thoughts, feelings, and activities (of self and others) reported to superiors This happens all the time, including in some modern orthodox communities. They believe it’s one of those checks and balances to keep a community cohesive.

12. Rewards and punishments used to modify behaviors, both positive and negative. The answer to this in the ultra-orthodox extremist groups is ALWAYS. As long as you do what you’re told it’s amazing how kind folks are to you. You’d be amazed at the love blasting that goes on when someone first enters the community in a BT (Baal Teshuva) community. In the more chassidic world this is not necessarily true, because they don’t trust outsiders. Yet, if you don’t do what the rabbi says, your home could be set on fire, you can loose your job, your kids kicked out of the yeshivas, and or you can’t get a good marriage partner.

13. Discourage individualism, encourage group-think. In the more insular extremist groups, this is absolutely true. Remember it’s unthinkable to question authority. If you think for yourself you are considered either a troublemaker or mentally ill.

14. Impose rigid rules and regulations. In the more extremist orthodox communities one must always follow the rules and regulations set down by the local vaad (Jewish religious court), or by the head rabbi of the community. In the more insulated communities, every aspect of a persons life is regulated by their rabbi. In these extremist, insulated communities if one does not follow the rules, their children will no longer be allowed to attend the local day schools or yeshivas, their children will not get good marriage partners which is an essential part of the more charedi lifestyle, and also if they own a business, community members will no longer be allowed to shop there. 

15. Instill dependency and obedience. In the more insulated, extremist types of orthodox communities this is absolutely. Your rav or rebbe because G-d like. They be come your ultimate parent (father). You are nothing without them. You need them to make every decision there can be to make. If you disobey them, your life and that of everyone you know and love can be ruined.

Regarding Untrained - Unsupervised - Self Proclaimed Advocate

Let 5773 be the year for Healing of Survivors!

When The Awareness Center (International Jewish Coalition Against Sexual Abuse/Assault) was first created over 10 years ago, I was inundated by phone calls and e-mails from women from all over the world. I had no idea who this man was at first and would later realized that over the years that I have spoken to hundreds of women who disclosed that they were sexually abused by Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach; along with individuals who identified themselves as being spouses, relatives and or friends of the survivors.

One common theme with this calls was the enormous about of internal pain they felt each year when their synagogues created special Carlebach Minyon’s (gathering) in his honor, which was often right before Shlomo Carlebach's Yahrzeit (anniversary of his death).

View slideshow: It's time to honor the female survivors of Shlomo Carlebach

Due to the degree of emotional pain created by their victimization, several of the women who contacted me also disclosed that they had walked away from the Torah observant lifestyle, going to synagogue or even practicing Judaism in any shape or form. There have also been numerous callers who also shared that they had converted to other faiths -- as a result of being sexually victimized by this serial sexual predator -- and due to the way the allegations they made had been handled by rabbonim.

Being from an unaffiliated background, when the calls first started coming in I had no idea what to think. I had never heard of Shlomo Carlebach. I found myself needing to research out who this man was. I ended up asking various rabbis for the missing background information needed. It was explained to me by some of the most highly respected rabbis that “Shlomo Carlebach was an artist . . . a musician. . . someone who was responsible for bring hundreds if not thousands back to Judaism.” . . . “Due to the number of neshema's (Jewish souls) he saved it was enough reason for him to deserved to be respected.”

These same rabbis all acknowledge that “Shlomo Carlebach had a little problem with loving women a little too much.” When I further questioned these same rabbis about their statements, I was told things such as: "boys will be boys -- you know how musicians are, etc." In today’s society Shlomo’s “loving women a little too much”, would be considered sexual assault -- could have been prosecuted, and placed on the National Sex Offender’s Registry.

One secret many rabbonim have kept from the public for several decades is the fact that back in 1959 Rabbi Moshe Feinstein made a rabbinic decree banning Carlebach’s music as a way to deter him from assaulting more women. With no place else to go, Shlomo fled from the orthodox world and started doing kiruv (Jewish outreach) to unsuspecting women in the secular world.

If you think about it, back in the 1950s, 60s and really up until 1984, there were very few laws on the books to protect women from this type of criminal sexual behavior. Like back in the 1950s when the first known cases of clergy sexual abuse were made against Shlomo Carlebach, the blame for the assaults were place on the women who were sexually victimized -- instead of where the blame belonged -- on the alleged assailants, such as in the case of rabbi Shlomo Carlebach.

Nearly ten years ago Rabbi Yosef Blau, who is the Mashgiach ruchani (head spiritual advisor) at Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary, stated to me that the reason for the volume of calls I was receiving was: “you have to understand some of the facts. Shlomo traveled a great deal, he was a Kiruv worker (Jewish outreach worker). Let's say Shlomo was ‘with’ one woman a week -- times that by forty years. So basically that would mean he would have been with 2,160 women."

"The problem is that Shlomo most likely had a sex addiction. Knowing Shlomo the odds are he was with at least one or two woman a day; that would mean he was with (sexually assaulted) over 14,600 women."

I have no idea of the accuracy of Rabbi Blau’s statement, yet I do know that over the last eleven years I have received more calls from survivors of Shlomo Carlebach, then any other alleged or convicted sex offender. I personally believe he had molested more women then any other sexual predator in the history of the Jewish people.

Just as with survivors of any other sex offender, each and every one of the women who had been sexually violated by Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach deserve to have their voices heard.

With the coming of the Jewish New Year, I’m asking everyone to say a prayer for the women who had been sexually assaulted by Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach, and to put the end to promoting this serial sexual predator as a saint.

-- 
This article was originally published by The Examiner  on September 11, 2012
 

Regarding Rabbi Saul Berman

“A Day in the Life of..A Rape Crisis Advocate”

Alliance Blog

New York City Alliance Against Sexual Assault - February 15, 2010

Name: Vicki

Organization: The Awareness Center, Inc. (international Jewish Coalition Against Sexual Abuse/Assault)

Q: How long have you been a Rape Crisis Advocate?

26 years

Q: How did you become a Rape Crisis Advocate? Is it your full-time job? If not, what is your full-time job?

I started volunteering time at VOICES in Action back in 1985, a few month after the international organization got started.  It was one of the first organizations on childhood sexual abuse.  Besides being an incest survivor I am also the survivor of a sexual assault at the age of 23 and another one at the age of 50.  After being sexually assaulted at age 23, and going through counseling, my advocate asked if I would like to share my story with high school students in Chicago.  I started doing it and realized that I wasn’t alone and that by speaking out that I was helping others who might not have gotten help.

I went back to school and got my degrees and am a licensed clinical professional counselor.

Q: Why did you become a Rape Crisis Advocate?

I wanted to help others who are victims of sex crimes heal. I learned how important it was to have people in my life who understood what I was going through and wanted to be there for others.

Q: Describe a “typical” day as a Rape Crisis Advocate. What is a day like if you are not called? What is the process once you do receive a call? What is it like for you while on-call?

I am the founder and CEO of The Awareness Center, which is the international Jewish Coalition Against Sexual Assault.  I deal with survivors on a daily basis from all over the world.  We do our best to operate as the make a wish foundation for Jewish survivors of sex crimes.  When someone calls we try to help them obtain what ever it is they are looking for.

Q: What kinds of sexual assault victim services does [Organization] provide?

We offer a clearinghouse of information and resources on our web page.  It’s sort of like “everything you ever wanted to know about sexual violence and sex offenders but were afraid to ask”.  We also provide resources to survivors who are Jewish from within every movement in Judaism.  Resources include counseling, legal, law enforcement, medical, holistic, etc.  We also have a Jewish Sex Offender Registry which is an online database of cases around the globe.  Due to funding shortages our database is not up to date.

Q: What areas of NYC are serviced by your Rape Crisis Program?

We work within in all Jewish communities through out New York, by providing information and resources. We area also in the process of developing a self-help group in Brooklyn.  We are currently looking for a location to hold weekly meetings.

Q: How can people learn more about [Organization]?

By visiting our web page at www.theawarenesscenter.org or by calling 443-857-5560.  We are a volunteer based organization with little funding so at times it can take us up to a month to return phone calls.  They can also send e-mails to info@theawarenesscenter.org

Q: In your opinion, what is currently the most pressing issue facing Rape Crisis Advocates in NYC?

Because The Awareness Center works within The Jewish Community, we are faced with so many obsticals especially in the orthodox world.  Things are changing since we got started 10 years ago, yet we still deal with the fact that the majority of cases are not reported to law enforcement, instead they are reported to local orthodox rabbis who tell victims not to report crimes to the police.  We are slowly seeing more cases coming out in the news media, yet in the more insulated communities survivors are shunned and shamed if they are assaulted and or try to make police reports.

Q: What advice do you have for people interested in volunteering?

We often have to warn survivors especially from the orthodox world that they will get harassed for helping victims and that we do our best to train them to be prepared.  We are trying to organize a 40 hour Rape Victim Advocacy Training Program which will include Halacha (Jewish Law).  We have not been sucecssful in funding the program, yet would love to team up with a program in NYC to do so, in hopes of better addressing issues in the ultra orthodox world.  If this is something you would be interested in doing please call me

Q:  Where do you see the City’s sexual assault services in 5 years? 10 years?

My hope is that there will be trained advocates from the orthodox world working in local rape crisis centers to help build a bridge between their communities and the rest of society when dealing with sex crimes.  Unfortunately, we have pseudo-advocates out there that don’t have the education or training who are working with those who are part of the problem.  I would like to see this practice end.

Q: What does a world without sexual violence look like to you?

Utopia. 

Q: What current event has your attention the most right now?

There are some cases that will be breaking soon, once the survivors are ready to go forward.  We also doing everything in our power to start our first self-help/networking group in NYC for Jewish survivors of sexual violence.  One goal is to have several meetings each week that are especially geared for those from the more insulated communities.

Q: What is the most significant change in the City’s services since you have been working as a Rape Crisis Advocate?

When I first got started, there were very few rape crisis centers across the country. If I remember correctly NYC had the first one, that opened back in 1975.  I got started right after the laws changed in which there was a legal definition for sexual abuse and assault.  It’s amazing how much better things are today then they were 26 years ago.  Between things like a national sex offender registry, Megan’s law, a legal definition for stalking and sexual harassment and also now survivors can obtain orders of protection if they are being talked by their offender, etc .  There still is a great deal of work to do, yet we’ve come a long way since 1985.

Thirty-three Days

© (2009) by Vicki Polin, MA, LCPC

Over twenty-four years of working with survivors of sex crimes,  I have watched many individuals struggle with trying to figure what they need to do to heal.  

For many it can take years to just tell another person that they had been victimized, let alone to make a police report or even enter into counseling. There are many different factors that one has to consider when trying to understand how and why a survivor will or might respond to a particular situation.

Each survivor has to decide for themselves what is best for them on so many different levels. No one can decide for them. And yet it is vitally important for each individual who has been sexually victimized to know that they have choices and what those choices are. By being provided with accurate information, the survivor (and or their family members in cases of child sexual abuse) will be able to make an educated decision.

Both adults and children who are survivors need people in their lives who are unbiased, without an agenda, and who are not connected to their personal lives, community or that of their offender(s) -- and who can provide them with a safe place to open up and share their experience, thoughts and feelings so that they are able to come to a place where they can choose for themselves what to do next. This is especially true since the ability to make choices was taken away from them by their offender during the time that they were being victimized. A survivor needs to take back the control and the ability of deciding for themselves.

We all need to realize that when a boy or girl, man or woman are sexually harassed, abused, assaulted or violated in any other way; their lives are forever changed on many different levels.

The victimized individual will have to deal with issues pertaining to their ability to trust, to feel a sense of safety and security. The sad reality is that once a survivor start talking about what happened to them, there is a strong possibility that they will also lose friendships, sometimes their employment, connections with their synagogue, community and in some cases -- connection with family members.

No one is immunized to being sexually victimized, no matter what their life experiences is, who they are related to, their age and or social economical status, or even what they do for a living. Not even me.

I have to admit that I am still in a state of shock and have not spoken out publicly before about the fact that this past summer (July 2009) I was assaulted.

Due to the fact my case is currently in litigation I am not at liberty to go into some of the details of the assault. The reason I am speaking out now is because I feel it is important to share the fact that it took me thirty-three days to make a police report. ME, Vicki Polin, who is the founder and executive director of The Awareness Center; a licensed mental health professional who has been advocating for survivors of sexual violence for the last twenty-five years!

I was in a state of shock following the assault. The offender was a relative of dear and trusted friend, a relative of someone whom I looked up to and respected and someone who has been like a father to me. I don’t know what I was thinking, yet I didn’t do what I would have expected of me... I was confused by my own hesitation to make an immediate call to the police. Instead I found myself care taking the family of the offender instead of taking care of my own personal needs.

Finally I consulted with several different professionals who are also victim advocates, none of whom had a connection to my personal life nor my community. It took thirty-three days before I found the strength to make a police report. I was fortunate to have a friend with me when I did this. The offender was charged with second degree assault and forth degree sexual assault. I was fortunate to have had a group of friends with me the day that the case went to trial, as their presence gave me the strength to do what I needed to do. The man who assaulted me was found guilty on both charges.

The reason I am making this public at this time is because I want others to realize that if it took someone who has been advocating for survivors for a quarter of a century thirty-three days to make a police report, it makes perfect sense that it could, and often would take others much longer.

If you have been a victim of a sex crime--you are not alone. You are not a bad person, and you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. The shame and blame belong totally to the individual(s) who assaulted you and also with anyone who attempted to cover up the crime(s). I want to encourage everyone who has been sexually victimized to make police reports, even if it takes you much more then thirty-three days to do so.

Vicki Polin, MA, LCPC was the founder and director of The Awareness Center, which was the international Jewish Coalition Against Sexual Assault. She is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor with over thirty years of experience working in the sexual trauma field.

Lisa’s story: How do we help sexual abuse victims survive?

© (2009) by Vicki Polin, MA, LCPC

The story I am about to share is not uncommon, yet is one in which is rarely discussed in the Jewish community: The Awareness Center was contacted by an adult survivor of child sexual abuse who was recently sexually victimized by the relative of a good friend. We'll call her "Lisa."

It took Lisa weeks to make a police report because she feared losing her friend and her community.  She became very irritable, depressed and was having difficulty sleeping. She finally called a rape-crisis hotline, which helped her to make a police report. 

Lisa’s fear was that if she did this she would lose everything that had meaning to her, yet she also wanted to feel safe again.

Lisa did everything in her power to do the right thing.  She wanted to maintain a friendship with the relative, yet after making a police report against her offender, the longtime friendship ended. 

Lisa’s story is not unlike many other women put into this same position. She had to make some difficult choices.

She could keep her silence, which would help her maintain the long-term friendship, or she could fight to have the right to choose who has the right to touch her body.

Unfortunately, by choosing to fight to protect her body, she ended up losing a friend -- and the entire community she belonged to. 

Lisa is no longer welcome in the home of her friend, nor in the only synagogue she knew and felt comfortable attending.

The high holidays are approaching and Lisa has no place she feels safe to daven (pray).  She described her experience as being shunned by the only family and home she ever really felt safe in.

Lisa has been in tears feeling that she is being punished for trying to protect herself and other women who might also have been assaulted by her offender.  She said she would be unable to walk into any other shul for fear that this could happen again, and that if she made new friends she could lose them all over again.

We all need to understand that a vast number of those who were sexually abused as children stand a higher risk of being sexually victimized again in adulthood. The Awareness Center  hears numerous accounts of this phenomenon happening several times a month.

As a people and a nation, we as Jews need to figure out what we can we do to help survivors like Lisa!  Please do what you can to start discussions on this issue with your rabbis, other community leaders, synagogues and friends.

Regarding the Statute of Limitations on Sex Crimes

Rape Trauma Syndrome: Reading Blogs and Newspaper Articles about Your Case

© (2006) By Vicki Polin, MA, LCPC, ATR-BC, NCC

When someone is a survivor of sexual violence (incest, sexual abuse, sexual assault, professional sexual misconduct, clergy sexual abuse) there are certain types of behaviors (symptomology) that they may display, especially when they are under a great deal of pressure. The behaviors are extremely common for someone who is experiencing rape trauma syndrome (which is a form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).

One of the things that helps most survivors is when PTSD symptoms pop out, to take a step back, and regroup. If you don't do this, then you remain in the "victim" role, and healing can NEVER take place.

It's vitally important for a survivor involved in a court case to take as many breaks as possible from following what's happening in the news and or on blogs.  Remaining cool, calm and collected will help your court case.

Reading articles about a case your involved with, and also reading blog entries can trigger "anyone" to say things and behave in ways that would not normally occur. Please, if you or someone you know is a survivor of a sex crime and involved in a court case, please help them by keeping them off of blogs that debate their case, and also DO NOT baiting them into discussions.

I want to urge survivors of all cases NOT to read these types of blogs. If a survivor feels they need to, it should only be done when they are with their rape counselor and or a trusted friend. 

Rabbis Investigating Allegations of Sexual Offenses

© (2006) By Vicki Polin

Originally published by The Awareness Center in 2005. Reprinted by The Examiner on August 11, 2011

As we all can imagine it is extremely difficult for someone to disclose they have been sexually violated, no matter if the the survivor is an adult or a child. Things get much more complicated when the survivor resides within an eruv (orthodox community). There’s been too many cases in which orthodox survivors and or their family members were shunned and or chased out of town after making police reports, against the wishes of their local rabbis. Including when allegations have been made within Jewish communities in the Chicagoland area.

It is important to remember that sex offenders can include: parents, grandparents, siblings, cousins, teachers, camp counselors, baby-sitters, community leaders and even rabbis. 

If the sexual predator has no real standing in the community, there’s usually not much fuss about reporting him or her to local law enforcement agencies, yet if the alleged offender is someone respected in the community and or is even a rabbi -- that is when things get crazy.

Usually if and when a survivor of a sex crime shares their experience with anyone, it will be with someone they believe they can trust. The standard in most insulated communities is that when a survivor makes a disclosure, they will be encouraged to go to their local orthodox rabbis for help.

Unfortunately, very few rabbis have the training, education and or knowledge in how to handle these types of situations -- and all too often, a survivor will walk away feeling blamed and shamed. There have also been too many occurrences an orthodox survivor (either male of female), sharing their stories and being encouraged by their rabbis NOT to do anything -- and then being told that the rabbi will handle the situation. 

On average, the typical sex offender will assault at least 117 before they are caught. The status quo from the majority of ultra-orthodox rabbis has been to do NOTHING -- meaning the alleged offender is given free rein to continue on with their molesting careers. 

Personally I have not met one single rabbi (orthodox, conservative, reform, traditional, etc.) who has been trained in collecting evidence in cases of possible sex crimes, nor conducting victim sensitive interviews. It is also extremely rare that a rabbi, synagogue or rabbinical organization will immediately refer victims to their local rape crisis center or to the police.

We all NEED to DEMAND that all rabbis and other members of the clergy, refer these types of cases immediately to the proper authorities. It should be up to law enforcement officials to determine if there is enough evidence for criminal charges to be pressed. It should also be up to legal authorities to determine if a case is valid or not. If the allegations of abuse/assault are too old, rabbis need to encourage survivors to contact their local rape crisis centers to learn about what other options they may have.

I want to encourage everyone to start asking the rabbis in their community about the current systems they have in place when allegations are made. Please make it a point to ask:

1. If the rabbi has personally conducted investigations of possible sex crimes themselves?

2. If they have, what process do they go through to make a determination if a case is valid or not?

3. If the rabbi determined the allegations are valid:

     a) What happens to the alleged offender?

     b) What happens to the alleged survivor?

4. If the rabbi determined the allegations were not valid:

     a) What happens to the alleged offender?

     b) What happens to the alleged survivor?

I've spoken to several different rabbis over the last few years. Many have stated they can look in the eyes of someone making the accusations, and can tell if they are telling the truth or not. Several of the rabbis I've spoken to, have determined most cases were not valid by utilizing this method.

I have also been told if a survivor has any sort of psychiatric history, they will usually determine the allegations NOT be valid. They automatically presume the allegations are most likely a "delusion of the woman" -- and brush off the claims.

There have also been a few occasions where the rabbi has told me "there was no need to conduct an investigation." The rabbi would explain that they "personally know the accused individual", and basically because the alleged offender is a friend, "the allegations are false."

As a community need to demand changes be made immediately. We need to demand that when an individual makes allegations of a sex crime, that the individual be referred immediately to a legitimate rape crisis center. These centers are networked with local police departments, and can also offer legal advocacy. 

The majority of legitimate rape crisis centers, that are associated with the National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC) are more then willing to work with and become sensitive to the needs of the orthodox community.

The only way thing will change is by each person reading this article to take action. Your voice is vitally important, without your willingness to speak out, nothing will ever change.

On April 13, 2007 rav Hopfer speaks about sexual abuse in Baltimore at an event sponsored by the Vaad HaRabbonim of Baltimore called: Abuse in our Community. What's shocking is that Hoper has been protecting several alleged sex offenders in the Baltimore community for years -- and shaming and blaming who have been sexually abused.