Vicki Polin Interviewed by Luke Ford regarding rabbi Saul Berman

Vicki Polin Interviewed by Luke Ford regarding rabbi Saul Berman

Luke: "What is rabbi Saul Berman's complaint with the center?" 

Vicki: "His complaint has mainly to do with our handling of the case of rabbi Mordechai Gafni. From the beginning, I've had no idea where he was coming from and why he is trying to protect an individual who confessed to statuary rape a 13-year old girl. Rabbi Gafni has never shown any signs of remorse. He has never made teshuva [repentance] to the individual he assaulted. Rabbi Berman has sent The Awareness Center several long elaborate letters of complaint. No matter what we did or said, he just wasn't satisfied. It's obvious that he is lacking the needed education so that he could have a better understanding of sex offenders and in working with survivors of sexual violence. It saddens and scares me that a man of his statute is not willing to learn." 

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Luke Ford's Entire Interview with Vicki Polin
December 15, 2004

I call Vicki Polin Wednesday night, December 15, 2004. She runs The Awareness Center.

Luke: "Tell me why you started The Awareness Center?"

Vicki: "I've been working in the sexual victimization field since 1985. I started as a volunteer, and then went back to school to get my degrees. As time has gone on, I've gotten more in touch with my Jewish identity. I started to realize that there was nothing out there for the Jewish survivors of sexual violence. For years I told other people to start something, no one did, so I ended up creating The Awareness Center. 

"It was a gradual process. In April of 1999, I started changing my private practice web page into The Awareness Center as it is now. 

"Back in the early 1990's, I was working in a rape crisis center on the South side of Chicago. I was a clinical sex abuse therapist, working with kids who were sexually abused. I was the fifth Caucasian hired and the first Jew. As I worked with the kids, I had to learn about black history, Kwanzaa, and black power. I started realizing that I knew more about their heritage than I did about my own. That's when I started learning about Judaism." 

Luke: "How did you start getting support for The Awareness Center, particularly from Orthodox rabbis?" 

Vicki: "As I was recreating the web page (theawarenesscenter.org), I was also googling Jewish web pages finding e-mail addresses and sending notes to everyone who had an e-mail address listed -- letting them know what I was doing and asking if they were interested in joining forces. That's how I met Na'ama Yehuda, Dr. Michael Salamon and rabbi [Yosef] Blau and rabbi [Mark] Dratch. I'll never forget when I got an e-mail back from rabbi Blau, I didn't know who he was. I had to ask someone who he was. My friend told me he was OK and I should contact him. I did that immediately and the rest is history." 

Luke: "What have been the typical areas of conflict between you and Orthodox rabbis regarding the center?" 

Vicki: "It seems that everybody has a different perspective on halacha and the way we deal with cases. It all depends on which case we're dealing with, what the halacha seems to be." 

Luke: "Why did rabbi Dratch leave the center?" 

Vicki: "He was under a great deal of pressure with his position with the RCA. It was a conflict of interest between the two organizations. You would have to ask him." 

Luke: "How is dealing with sexual abuse different in the Orthodox world than outside of it?"

Vicki: "First of all, the Awareness Center is not an Orthodox organization. It is a Jewish organization. We have individuals calling us from all affiliations and including those from no affiliation. On our web page we have cases of alleged and convicted rabbi abuse from every affiliation.

"In the secular world, people read newspapers and watch TV. They tend to be pretty progressive in the way they see individuals who have been sexually victimized, especially children. In the Orthodox world, it is often so insulated, that I feel that I am back in the 1980s trying to educate them on the basics. Many just don't have the information available to them that they need." 

Luke: "How do you tell the truth when someone alleges sexual abuse?" 

Vicki: "One of the myths that people have is that the majority of claims individuals make of sexual violence are made up. You have to realize that it is only 1-2 percent of cases where there might be false allegations. If and when there is a case of false allegations -- it is usually a cry for help, something else is going on in the life of the individual. Either way, the individual needs help. 

"One of the things The Awareness Center does is to look for consistency in what a caller is saying. 

"The statistics of occurrences of childhood sexual abuse is the same in the Orthodox world as it is in the secular world. I even read a study some time ago saying the statistics are the same in rural China. Basically one out of three-to-five women and one out of every five-to-seven men have been sexually abused by their 18th birthday." 

Luke: "Don't you think the Jewish community is taking this more seriously than it has in the past?" 

Vicki: "It depends on which community you are talking about. I was recently talking to a rabbi from an extremely insulated community -- he basically was saying that anybody who makes these kind of allegations is crazy. It appeared that he bought into the myth that 'Jewish people don't abuse their children.' It enraged me, and made me more determined to do what ever I could to make sure our rabbinic leaders become educated." 

Luke: "What is rabbi Saul Berman's complaint with the center?" 

Vicki: "His complaint has mainly to do with our handling of the case of rabbi Mordechai Gafni. From the beginning, I've had no idea where he was coming from and why he is trying to protect an individual who confessed to statuary rape a 13-year old girl. Rabbi Gafni has never shown any signs of remorse. He has never made teshuva [repentance] to the individual he assaulted. Rabbi Berman has sent The Awareness Center several long elaborate letters of complaint. No matter what we did or said, he just wasn't satisfied. It's obvious that he is lacking the needed education so that he could have a better understanding of sex offenders and in working with survivors of sexual violence. It saddens and scares me that a man of his statute is not willing to learn." 

Luke: "Do you feel like you need to educate these rabbis?" 

Vicki: "Definitely. I'd love to do training with them. One of the long-term goals of The Awareness Center is to have some kind of certification program for rabbis. Once they are educated we would be able to use them as referral sources for survivors, their family members and those who offend." 

Luke: "How much training does a rabbi need?" 

Vicki: "When I worked as a rape victims advocate, I had to undergo a 40-hour training on some of the basics. That's what I wanted to start out with. Rabbis need to understand what the symptoms are of someone who has been sexually violated (both adults and children). They need to know about the different types of sex offenders, and how to help families members of sex offenders. They also need to know what to do when an alleged or convicted sex offender comes to their minyan. They need to know some of the basics of how to make their minyans safe for everyone." 

Luke: "What role does rabbi Blau play with the center?" 

Vicki: "He's my partner in crime. He is our halachic advisor, does a lot of hands on work -- doing a lot of case management. And most important, he's always explaining to me -- who's who in the Orthodox world." 

Luke: "Do you believe that God called you to be a sex abuse victims advocate?" 

Vicki: "It's hard for me to say that it comes from God. Please remember that I come from an atheist background. I'm really learning as I go along. What I feel comfortable saying is that the universe has opened its doors in this direction for me. Every time I try to walk away, it just doesn't let me."

Luke: "Have you ever been romantically or sexually involved with someone you were [counseling]?"

Vicki: "No."

Luke: "What do you think about suppressed memories, are they valid?"

Vicki: "Instead of me answering this question, I would like to refer you to a dynamic web page that discusses all of the relevant information on the topic." 

Luke: "Is the center a one woman show?"

Vicki: "The Awareness Center is a coalition of several different individuals who are dedicated to ending sexual victimization in Jewish communities around the world. We currently are all volunteers (I can't wait until the day we have the funding we need to hire staff). I may be the most visable, but we have a team effort going on. We would not be able to do the work I'm doing without Rabbi Yosef Blau, Na'ama Yehuda, Dr. Michael Salamon, Renee Cannella, San, Adam and a slew of other people. 

Luke: "Are you the poster “Me” (AKA: Jewish Whistleblower)?"

Vicki: "I am NOT the individual who posted on the Protocols blog, who used the name of "ME" (AKA: Jewish Whistleblower). I wish I was as intellegent and as articulate. The "ME" poster has a vast knowledge of Hebrew and Torah. I don't."

FlashBack to the Future

Child Abuse Vs. White Collar Crime

1,320,000 Jewish survivors of CSA living in the United States today!

© (2004) by Vicki Polin, MA, LCPC
Originally published in The Awareness Center's Daily Newsletter - December 1, 2004

Too many adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse feel that they are alone. There are times survivors feel that they will never “fit in” because of what happened to them as a child.  The truth is that they are not the only ones who feels this way -- it’s a common theme for most of those who were emotionally, psychologically, physically and or sexually abused as children.  It is also a fact that many adult survivors of all forms of child abuse report that keeping secrets and remaining silent -- often leads to a severe depression.

We all have to remember that according to statistics (in just about every country), that one-fourth of the population has been sexually abused by the time they reach their eighteenth birthday.

Considering there are just about 306,000,00 people in the United States, there are just about 76,500,000 survivors of child sexual abuse.  There are about 5,280,000 Jews living in the US -- meaning there at least 1,320,000 are survivors.  According to the Israeli Central Bureau of Statistics there are around 5,432,700 Jews living in Israel -- meaning there are around 1,358,700 Jewish survivors of child molestation.

It’s very difficult to deal with the denial in Jewish communities.  I have to admit that I get extremely frustrated when I hear how much time and money is spent making sure a cow is kosher, that an eruv is in place or the time, money and research put into the kiruv movement (Jewish outreach) -- yet when it comes to shining a light on child molestation, no one wants to hear about it nor fund organizations like The Awareness Center (International Jewish Coalition Against Sexual Assault).

Over the last nine years I heard story after story coming from observant communities where parents are told if they report sex crimes to law enforcement -- their children will no longer be allowed to attend Jewish day schools or yeshivas . . . or that their children will not find a good shuddich (marriage partner).  In some orthodox communities parents are told if they tell anyone their child was molested the school would have no choice but to expel the child “for having sexual relations”.  Instead of getting the needed help and protecting other children from the same fate, parents and community members are bullied into silence.

I often think about the political strength survivors of sex crimes and non-offending family members would have if we all banded together and start speaking out.  I truly believe that a small group of people can make a difference.  We need individuals to be trained by legitimate Rape Crisis Centers in becoming certified advocates. We also need each and everyone of you to learn how to use your voices.  We all must organize and speak out against the injustices we have faced in our communities.

Too many of our rabbis and other community leaders have a responsibility to stop this shame/blame game they have been using against our most vulnerable.  We must demand that they start allowing education programs in their congregations on all aspects of rape prevention and start to offer proper and appropriate help to those who have been victimized as children.  We must demand that our rabbis honor and respect those who have been abused -- just as they would any veteran of war.  Survivors of all forms of child abuse should be seen as hero’s -- especially after they start coming forward to report the crimes to law enforcement and or speak out.

As survivors we all have a responsibility to do our part to ensure our offenders are reported to law enforcement officials and hopefully brought to justice.  We gain power and control over our lives by these actions and also by using our voices.  Considering the fact that offenders have multiple victims, our silence can and does lead to more children becoming the next victim of a sex crime.

If you are a survivor of child abuse remember -- no matter what you are feeling remember you are not alone.  Things can and will change and get better.  I’ve seen it happen not only for myself -- but for other survivors too!  The pain you feel today is real and needs to be honored, respected and embraced. Your feelings are real -- but they will not always be so intense.  I know you will have many good days in the future and you have to believe that will happen.  One of the most important life lessons I’ve learned over the years is that when we are educated on the issues, have the right connections and determination -- each and everyone of us can help to make the world a better place for others who have been abused and also prevent one more child from being harmed.