From the Heart

© (2010) by Vicki Polin, MA, LCPC
Originally published in The Awareness Center's Daily Newsletter

I'm sharing the following with you, because I know I am not the only person who has ever experienced what I'm about to share with you.  It's a topic which I doubt has really ever been discussed in detail in any public venue.

Several years ago I saw an elderly couple walking in a parking lot of a mall in my home town.  The couple looked very familiar to me, yet I was having a difficult time placing them.  As I got closer I realized who they were. . . I said, "hi mom, hi dad".  They looked at me, said hello and then wished me a good day as they went on with their day.  These were two people who I spent the first eighteen years of my life with.  Though they are biologically my parents, they are virtually strangers to me.  

Today is my father's 78th birthday. It's such an odd thing to say that I haven't known my father since he was 47. He's been out of my life for over 30 years.

I know that I am not the only adult survivors of child abuse (emotional, physical and sexual abuse) that is confronted with not knowing what to do, nor how to feel when birthdays, mother's day, father's day and or other holidays or anniversaries come around.   For me, these types of days often leaves a void of emotions and feelings. 

I know that several other adult survivors of child abuse may also need to separate from their families to heal, yet often keep it a secret for fear of being shamed or looked at as being different. I felt that it was important to share my experience in hopes of helping others realize that they are not alone, and to know that they do not need to keep their silence any longer.  

I also felt the need to acknowledge my father's special day some how.  I guess this note is my way of saying "Happy Birthday Dad".

To Survivors of Incest and other forms of Child Abuse Regarding Father's Day

Father's day is approaching, if you are a survivors of incest, remember you are not alone.  Not all father's should or need to be honored.  Just like any holiday, be kind to yourself.  Surround yourself with people who inspire you to heal.

Remember you are good and always have been. What happened to you was a crime.  It's NOT your fault.