Letter to the Editor: Hands Off - Don't investigate yourself

Miami News Times - July 20, 2006

 

Don't investigate yourself, rabbi: Regarding Forrest Norman's "Yeshiva Dustup" (July 13): It's important to remember that clergy abuse has nothing to do with religion, even though you will find it in all of them (Christianity, Judaism, Muslim, Bahai, et cetera). Sex crimes are about an abuse of power and the need to control others.

 

Unfortunately it's common for child molesters to choose careers or volunteer time for organizations and/or institutions in which they have ample access to the types of victims they prey upon. One of the biggest problems we face is that instead of allowing law enforcement to conduct criminal investigations, institutions attempt to handle things on their own. When this happens, we end up in situations like the one we are seeing in the case of Rabbi Yehuda Kolko and Yeshiva Torah Temimah.

 

Just as we say, "It takes a village to raise a child," we can say the same thing about sex offenders. When an individual suspects a child is at risk of harm, we all must become mandated reporters. Let those with the education, experience, and training collect the physical evidence and do the forensic interviewing. This is not the job for our clergy.

 

Vicki Polin

The Awareness Center, Inc. 

Baltimore, Maryland

Defrocked Rabbi's Jerusalem Lecture Cancelled after Threats

By Daphna Berman

Haaretz - July 17, 2006

A lecture by an American rabbi accused of sexual improprieties by several of his New York congregants, scheduled to be held in Jerusalem on Thursday night, was cancelled, following threats of protests and a flood of complaints, activists said.

Mordechai Tendler, a scion of a prominent rabbinic family, was expelled unanimously last year by the Rabbinical Council of America (RCA) after the organization decided that he had "engaged in conduct inappropriate for an Orthodox rabbi." In March, he was also suspended by the board of Kehillat New Hempstead, the New York synagogue that he founded. Tendler, who is currently in Israel, was scheduled to speak Thursday in the ultra-Orthodox neighborhood of Har Nof. A protest was scheduled to take place outside the event.

"This is definitely a victory," said Leah Marinelli, a former congregant from New York, Wednesday. Marinelli was one of the first community members to speak out against the rabbi and convinced some of his alleged victims to come forward publicly to the RCA.

"We put out a call for action on Tuesday morning and the next day it was cancelled and so I am pretty convinced that there is a connection," said Vicki Polin, founder of the U.S.-based Awareness Center, the Jewish Coalition Against Sexual Abuse and Assault."We didn't want him to recreate in Israel what he had done in Monsey [in New York]."

Both, however, expressed concern that Tendler would proceed with the lecture in a smaller and non-publicized location with a core group of supporters.

Moshe Siegel, a former congregant who immigrated to Israel some 10 years ago, was coordinating the lecture and had publicized the event on various English-language list servers around the country. He was subsequently flooded with e-mails and phone calls, urging him to cancel the event. Wednesday afternoon, Siegel posted a message on the list serves, informing the public that the event was cancelled. He did not provide a reason and did not respond by press time to Haaretz requests for further clarification.

Other community leaders in the U.S. have welcomed the cancellation. Rabbi Mark Dratch, chair of the RCA's Task Force on Rabbinic Improprieties said that the move had proven that "there is no place a person can hide. We're one community and though we are distanced by an ocean, that doesn't mean that what happens in one place gets ignored by another." He said that members of Tendler's former community felt "that he compromised the rabbinate and should not be given the opportunity to teach Torah publicly," Dratch said.

At least nine women have come forward against Tendler with claims that he used his rabbinic authority to solicit sexual favors. According to allegations, women who approached him with marital problems and sought spiritual counseling were sexually harassed. Last year, a former congregant filed a civil lawsuit in Manhattan against Tendler in which she accused him of giving her "sex therapy" when she went to him for help. Their affair allegedly took place in his rabbinical study from 2001 to 2005.

Following the RCA ruling last year, Rabbi Benzion Wosner, head of the Shevet Levi rabbinical court in Monsey, New York, issued a ruling that Tendler "can no longer officiate at divorces, weddings ... One should never allow their wives or daughters to go to him at all including [for] counseling ... and all his rulings are null and void."

The allegations against the rabbi, who is married and is the father of eight children, surfaced three years ago. Tendler's grandfather is the late Rabbi Moshe Feinstein, one of the leading religious arbiters of the twentieth century.

Tendler's attorney, Glen Feinberg, did not have information about the reasons for the cancellation. "I represent Rabbi Tendler in the lawsuit brought against him. My representation does not extend to other matters. Thus, the rabbi does not discuss his travel or lecture plans with me and I have no information about this." He added, however, that "Rabbi Tendler completely denies the allegations of sexual misconduct and expects to be vindicated through the judicial process." 

Rabbi Challenges Right to Anonymity on Internet

Rabbi Challenges Right to Anonymity on Internet

By Rebecca Spence

Forward - July 14, 2006 

The latest chapter in an ongoing saga pitting an Orthodox rabbi from Monsey, N.Y., against female former congregants who have accused him of sexual harassment is raising broad legal questions about the right of free speech in cyberspace. 

Rabbi Mordecai Tendler, who was accused of sexually propositioning women who came to him seeking spiritual guidance, petitioned a California court May 24 to force Google — the Internet giant that hosts electronic message boards through its Blogspot division — to disclose the identities of four anonymous writers who post comments to Web journals, known as blogs. Tendler, the scion of a storied rabbinic lineage, has fiercely denied the allegations of sexual harassment since they first surfaced in 2004. He claims that the bloggers have posted "false, misleading, and defamatory materials" about him on their Web sites. 

In response to the petition, Public Citizen, a national public interest group whose litigation group has played a lead role in defending free speech on the Internet, filed motions on July 6 to throw out Tendler's case and reimburse the defendants' attorney fees, saying that the request violates the bloggers' First Amendment rights to free speech. 

The newest development in the controversy surrounding Tendler, who was expelled from the Rabbinical Council of America in 2005 and was later sued for sexual harassment by one former congregant, is part of a growing body of court cases that are grappling with how to balance the rights of those who say they are being libeled with the rights of their anonymous critics, legal analysts said. 

"Our interest is in the problem of balancing the right to speak anonymously on the Internet against the right of someone who has been harmed by unlawful speech to get redress," said Paul Levy, the Public Citizen attorney who filed the motion in response to Tendler's petition. Levy leads the group's Internet free speech project. "For ordinary people, the only effective way to reach the community at large is through the Internet, which provides a voice and an opportunity to speak," he said. 

Tendler is seeking to learn the names of those who operate the blogs Jewishwhistleblower.com and rabbinicintegrity.blogspot.com, among others. 

The issue of anonymous free speech on the Internet is particularly salient in the Orthodox Jewish community, where electronic message boards have often served as a safe space for airing allegations and discussing claims of sexual abuse by rabbis. Fearing both retribution by the accused clergy and ostracism from their communities, many Orthodox victims of sexual abuse have sought refuge in cyberspace. Jewish-themed blogs, which have proliferated in recent years, have also served as an effective means for victims to take action when allegations of sexual misconduct have gone unheeded by rabbinic authorities, some critics said. 

In response to Tendler's petition, Rabbi Yosef Blau, a spiritual adviser at Yeshiva University, filed a three-page affidavit with the Superior Court in San Jose. Calif., arguing that it is important to maintain the anonymity of the bloggers. "The potential consequences of speaking out can be especially severe when the target of the criticism belongs to an influential family, as is true of Rabbi Mordecai Tendler," wrote Blau, who has himself been the subject of attacks on blogs and in the print media from critics who accused him of organizing efforts to oust Tendler. 

Tendler is the son of Rabbi Moshe Tendler, a prominent Talmud instructor and bioethicist at Yeshiva Univeristy, and the grandson of the late Rabbi Moshe Feinstein, widely considered to be his era's preeminent decisor of biblical and rabbinic law. 

In 2005, Blau was attacked in a series of articles published in two Orthodox newspapers, the Jewish Press and the Jewish Voice and Opinion, as well as on a now-defunct Web site that was created to discredit him. Blau said that he was never able to prove that Tendler's associates were behind the Web site and that he eventually gave up his efforts to expose them. "The supporters of Tendler have never revealed themselves, but no one is suing on the other side," he added. 

Lawyers for Tendler did not return repeated calls from the Forward seeking comment. 

While a strong precedent for cases involving free speech on the Internet has yet to be established, in previous cases that have come before state courts — most recently in a 2004 state Supreme Court ruling in Delaware — judges have placed the burden of proof on the plaintiff to prove defamation before they are willing to force an Internet host to reveal a blogger's anonymous identity. 

"The First Amendment reflects an understanding that sometimes the most valuable speech is uncredited," said Jonathan Zittrain, a professor of Internet governance and regulation at Oxford University. Zittrain cited as a historic example the Federalist Papers, which were written anonymously by the authors of the United States Constitution. "And no one would call the framers cowards," he said. 

Some advocates for sexual abuse victims contend that anonymous blogging is necessary not only to shield accusers from potential harassment, but also to help them through the process of healing. 

"One of the things most healing to any victim of a serious crime is to talk about it," said Vicki Polin, founder of The Awareness Center Inc., a volunteer organization that maintains a Web site on sexual abuse in the Jewish community. "When people start blogging, they realize they're not alone," she said.

 

But some Jewish bloggers expressed disdain toward those who remain anonymous. Stephen I. Weiss, who operates the religion blog Canonist and founded one of the first Jewish blogs to host discussions on sexual harassment by rabbis, said that while anonymity may be legally justified, it can't be morally justified. Many blogs "claim to bring down abusive rabbis when they don't," Weiss said. Still, Weiss added, "legally, the potential ramifications for what Tendler is proposing are horrendous." 

Meanwhile, an Israeli Knesset member, Yisrael Hason, was set this week to introduce a bill that would require Internet sites to only post comments from participants who identify themselves, according to Israeli news reports. That bill was sparked by similar cases in Israel of public officials who were anonymously criticized by Internet bloggers.

Rape Trauma Syndrome: Reading Blogs and Newspaper Articles about Your Case

© (2006) By Vicki Polin, MA, LCPC, ATR-BC, NCC

When someone is a survivor of sexual violence (incest, sexual abuse, sexual assault, professional sexual misconduct, clergy sexual abuse) there are certain types of behaviors (symptomology) that they may display, especially when they are under a great deal of pressure. The behaviors are extremely common for someone who is experiencing rape trauma syndrome (which is a form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).

One of the things that helps most survivors is when PTSD symptoms pop out, to take a step back, and regroup. If you don't do this, then you remain in the "victim" role, and healing can NEVER take place.

It's vitally important for a survivor involved in a court case to take as many breaks as possible from following what's happening in the news and or on blogs.  Remaining cool, calm and collected will help your court case.

Reading articles about a case your involved with, and also reading blog entries can trigger "anyone" to say things and behave in ways that would not normally occur. Please, if you or someone you know is a survivor of a sex crime and involved in a court case, please help them by keeping them off of blogs that debate their case, and also DO NOT baiting them into discussions.

I want to urge survivors of all cases NOT to read these types of blogs. If a survivor feels they need to, it should only be done when they are with their rape counselor and or a trusted friend. 

Is Gary Rosenblatt reinventing history when it comes to the case of Rabbi Mordechai Gafni?

(© 2006) By Vicki Polin

The Awareness Center's Daily Newsetter  - June 16, 2006

Marc Gafni

Early in 2003, while The Awareness Center, Inc. was in its infancy, several orthodox rabbis (who had a connection with the Rabbinic Council of America and Agudath Israel) started calling to request our organization to do something about Marc Gafni (AKA: Mordechai Winiarz). In order to comply with wishes of the rabbonim, our board and volunteers attempted to track down three known survivors of this alleged sex offender.

We had very little difficulties tracking down the second and third survivors, yet had trouble locating the first. Gary Rosenblatt was the link to finding the first survivor.

During our initial conversation with Winiarz/Gafni's first survivor, we learned that several years prior, she had provided Rosenblatt with her story. Back in the 90's Gary had heard rumors and tracked her down. The first survivor stated that she was not seeking an opportunity to share her abuse history, but was convinced by Rosenblatt that sharing the story might spare future women the pain of abuse at Winiarz/ Gafni's hands.

Gary Rosen

This survivor shared every painful detail with Gary Rosenblatt. Gary promised that he would publish a story right away. Years went by, there was no further contact and a story was never published. The survivor felt exploited and betrayed.

In 2004 finally Gary Rosenblatt reestablished contact with the first survivor, providing her with the contact information for The Awareness Center. The survivor was apprehensive, yet followed through and made the initial call.

I'll never forget the day Survivors two and three communicated with the first survivor. It was amazing to watch; a day filled with old terror and pain transforming into tears of healing, joy and empowerment.

Amazingly the three survivors were eager to work with Gary Rosenblatt. The intention was and always has been to prevent any more women from being victimized by Mordechai Winiarz/Gafni. The Awareness Center did it's best to work with Gary Rosenblatt as well, and provided him with names of individuals who had first hand knowledge of Gafni's past.

Gary had ample information and factual content from highly respected rabbis and members of the community. The original story Gary wrote was to be published in the spring of 2004, yet nothing happened. Every week Mr. Rosenblatt told the survivors it would be published the following week, yet nothing happened. It wasn't until September 24, 2004, that an extremely watered down version of what was originally written was published.

In Gary Rosenblatt's most recent article "Deconstructing The Gafni Case" he wrote:

"They felt they were the victims, that they had suffered enough and did not want to go through a public scrutiny of past abuses and humiliations. His former wives and the other women had new lives to live and reputations to protect." 

The problem with this statement is; Gary ceases to mention that in the code of journalistic ethics created by the US department of Justice, one should never publish the names of victims of sex crimes. Three women spoke directly to Rosenblatt with the understanding that thier names would not be used, all of whom were quoted in his original article. It is common journalistic practice to have unnamed sources. Remember Watergate?

Rosenblatt continued:

"But for a journalist probing these accusations and knowing that the resulting expose could destroy the subject's career, professional standards require offering up real people and real names to make those charges. That is why I spent three years on the Gafni trail, interviewing dozens of people about the allegations of sexual misbehavior, before publishing anything. And at that point, in September 2004, I wrote an opinion column rather than a news story because I still did not have anyone with firsthand experience of abuse speaking on the record."

"And I offered up Gafni's denials, and other rabbis defending him. They said that even if these things had happened, it was a long time ago and he had done teshuva (repentance). . . I think I should have written at the time that I found the women far more credible than Gafni. . . One thinks I should have acted on my instincts and been tougher on Gafni, even though I had no firsthand accounts on the record. Another said I was right to have held out for on-the-record attribution."

The survivor who was thirteen at the time of her abuse stated that it wasn't until years after her initial contact with Mr. Rosenblatt that he connected her with The Awareness Center. The survivor had already given a detailed account of her sexual assault directly to Rosenblatt, yet she requested that her name be withheld from the story. From the point this survivor contacted The Awareness Center, it was another six months before Gary's watered down article was published. He promised the survivor years before that he would publish the story the week following the initial interview, yet nothing ever happened.

Naomi Mark, ACSW

Back in 2001, survivor number one received a telephone call from Winiarz/Gafni supporter Naomi Mark, ACSW. Naomi's goal was for a survivor of childhood sexual abuse to meet with her offender. Naomi told this survivor that Marc Winiarz/Gafni wanted to make amends. She told the survivor that Mordechai Winiarz/Gafni had wrote a letter stating: "he thought the survivor was hurting because he ended their relationship instead of marrying her". He wanted to apologize for "breaking her heart."

The survivor told Ms. Mark that she would not meet with the man who raped her. The survivor disclosed that she let Naomi Mark know that "the relationship" Winiarz/Gafni was referring to should be called RAPE. A far cry from what Winiarz/Gafni called a "heartache, or a fallen romance."

The Survivor believes the reason Winiarz/Gafni wanted to contact her at the time was because he learned of the interview she had given to Gary Rosenblatt. The survivor was sure that Winiarz/Gafni was worried about what Rosenblatt would publish. Winiarz/Gafni wanted the survivor to say that she had forgiven him for the assault. Marc Winiarz/Gafni neither acknowledged that he had sexually abused a child, nor admitted to any violent acts. 

It appears Gary Rosenblatt's attempt to re-create history has been influenced by his long time friend, Rabbi Saul Berman -- who to this day is believed to be a defender of Mordechai Gafni.

If Mordechai Winiarz/Gafni has done teshuva, why has he not contacted the other women whom he victimized? Why didn't he ever offer to pay for the pain and suffering all three women endured because of his offenses?

Once again Rosenblatt's affiliation with Rabbi Saul Berman influenced his ability to get the facts straight. Gary Rosenblatt had firsthand accounts. He spoke to three women who were sexually victimized by Mordechai Winiarz (AKA: Marc Gafni). Two survivors had sexual contact; the third was a survivor of inappropriate sexual advances by an orthodox rabbi, who was also a married man.

Gary Rosenblatt spoke to numerous rabbis and other credible individuals who backed the survivor's stories. What more evidence did he need?

If Rosenblatt really wants to make amends to the survivors of Winiarz/ Gafni, he should put an advertisement in the New York Jewish Week calling for the extradition of Mordechai Winiarz/Gafni, and have all those who have blindly supported Winiarz/Gafni sign it.
________________

NOTE: Since writing this piece many years ago, The Awareness Center had learned that Naomi Mark's brother  Jonathan Mark, who was and still is the associate editor of the New York Jewish Week.

The Mikvah - Suggested Protocols to Protect Minors

By Vicki Polin, Michael J. Salamon and Na'ama Yehuda

(originally published by The Awareness Center in 2006)

Background Information:

The "Mikvah" is a ritual pool of water, used for the purpose of attaining ritual purity and is used in Jewish communities internationally, including those located in Skokie and the Chicagoland area. 

Immersion in a Mikvah is performed for the following main purposes:

• in connection with Repentance, to remove the impurity of sin.
• in connection with Conversion.

the ritual act that divides two periods of time - the period of separation when marital relations are forbidden, because the wife is in the state of "niddah," and the period of union when such relations are not only permissible but regarded as essential to a healthy marriage.

The laws of purity and impurity apply to both men and women. In ancient times when the Temple stood in Jerusalem it was required of everyone to be pure prior to entering the Temple or when eating holy foods. Therefore, both men and women (married and single) would use the Mikvah regularly—if they wished to enter the Temple. During excavations at Masada a mikveh was found. During excavations in Jerusalem there even were mikvah’s found in privately owned homes.

The use of the Mikvah is a vitally important aspect of the Torah observant lifestyle and something that is extremely sacred. In the Hassidic community there is a custom of both men and boys going to the mikvah every day, especially prior to Shabbat and holidays. Unfortunately, there have been reports of boys being molested at a mikvah. For this reason The Awareness Center, Inc. is suggesting that the following five basic protocols be adopted by all communities as an attempt of preventing one more child from being harmed.

1. All men should be required to wear a towel around their mid section when not in the shower or in the Mikvah.
2. Children under the age of 14 must be accompanied by their parent. If this is not possible a credible supervisor must be present.
3. Special times be established for boys between the ages 14 - 18. There should always be at least one trustworthy adult attendant present who will be responsible to be sure the boys don't get out of hand with each other.
4. Underaged boys should not be exposed to the nudity of adult men. There is a custom in some communities that a boy cannot see his father’s naked body, nor a son-in-law seeing his father-in-law naked. The father does not have to be immersing himself at the moment in order to supervise his son. Another suggestion is that a substitute supervisor can be arranged with the signed consent of the parent.
5. There has been recent discussion that a men’s mikvahs adopt the same policies as the women’s mikvahs in which there is privacy. When an individual goes to the mikvah, the purpose is for purification, and connecting with G-d. This spiritual task is compromised when the environment becomes a threatening place for boys.

Statement on Sexual Abuse of Children - By Rabbi Zev. M. Shandalov

The following post was on The Awareness Center's web page for many years.  It was one of the first  statements made by an orthodox rabbi regarding covering up sex crimes within the Jewish world.  I felt it was important enough to share. 

_______________________________________________________________________________

Statement on Sexual Abuse of Children
By Rabbi Zev. M. Shandalov

May 22, 2006


Over the past few days, there have been a number of items that have been printed in the mainstream press and in the "Jewish" press regarding stories of sexual abuse of children and alleged cover-up of said abuse and the perpetrators. The purpose of this email is to address this situation.

Abuse: I am not going to discuss any of the allegations in the articles or those that are floating around on the Internet. I do wish though to comment in general terms.

ANY abuse perpetrated against a child no matter how "minor" or seemingly "insignificant" can be damaging for life for the child; is illegal; is assure (prohibited by Torah law) and can potentially be actionable in a court of law. In addition, anyone seeking to protect the abuser, including but not limited to rabbis, professionals, community leaders, institutions, etc. are themselves culpable in the crimes that the alleged perpetrator commits after discovering the crimes and seeking to cover them up. The covering up of such offenses not only is in itself a Chillul Hashem (a profanation of the name of Hashem) but also adds to the abuse of the victims after the fact. Delivering information to the police in order to remove the offender from the streets and to protect further abuse is a Mitzva incumbent upon all who have knowledge of abuse. Additionally, the Mitzvah of "Al ta'amod al dam re'acha" (One may not stand idly by while another is being injured) is found in the Torah to make it everyone's responsibility to help another in jeopardy.

I hope that this has helped to clarify a very disturbing issue. WE MAY NOT REMAIN SILENT WHEN ANYONE IS BEING ABUSED AND CERTAINLY NOT WHEN THE PERSON BEING ABUSED IS A CHILD!


Rabbi Zev M. Shandalov
 

Congregation Kehilath Jacob Beth Samuel (KJBS)
Chicago, IL

Mother's Day

© (2006) Vicki Polin, MA, LCPC and Na’ama Yehuda, MSC, SLP, TSHH

Originally published in The Awareness Center's Daily Newsletter

We have all been taught from a very early age to honor our mothers and fathers. This lesson can be extremely complicated for survivors of childhood emotional, physical, and sexual abuse.

Each year when "Mother's Day" comes around, certain expectations come along with it. All of us whose mothers are still alive are called to honor and reaffirm our love and appreciation for an individual who brought us into this world; a person who made numerous selfless sacrifices in her own life to raise happy and healthy children and support them through their path to adulthood. Unfortunately for survivors of childhood abuse, this day can be extremely difficult and confusing: for how does one spend a day seeped in honoring someone who had failed to live up to the very archetype of unconditional protection that the day celebrates and who at times may have been the very person responsible for the abuse?

Jonathan, a survivor, wrote us:

"Growing up my brothers and I would buy our mother presents. It was expected that our family would spend the day together and come evening my father would take us all out to dinner. Once I became an adult and started dealing with my abuse issues, it became difficult for me to attend family functions, especially this family function.

How was I to honor the very woman who was my offender? It's taken me years to be able to say 'I am a survivor of Mother-Son incest.' To this day my mother has never apologized for sexually assaulting me...and so I struggle honoring the kind of mother she is. This makes Mother's day a difficult day for me."

Nancy wrote:

"My mother was always very abusive to me as I was growing up. She even blamed me for her boyfriend raping me when I was eight-years-old! From that time on I'd tried being the perfect little girl; hoping that one day she'd forgive me... Every year as Mother's Day approached I'd go to our local card store and spend hours searching for the perfect card that will tell my mother how much she meant to me. I guess I figured that if I could find the right card she would start to love me again...

When I turned eighteen I moved out on my own. This was also the year when I first entered therapy. It got to be very difficult for me to buy my mom a Mother's Day card... For a few years I just got cards that were funny, but then it didn't feel right to do that anymore, either. Because you see, even the funny cards ended up saying stuff like 'what a great mom you were'... Finally I found a recovery bookstore that sold greeting cards and believe it or not they had cards that specialized in dealing with the very 'card-issues' those of us from 'dysfunctional families' have! I now send her cards that acknowledges the fact she gave birth to me, spent money raising me, and so forth; but don't go on to say how great a parent she was."

With the messages of picture-perfect mothering practically everywhere, Mother's Day is a time of year when it is NOT uncommon for survivors to have painful memories reemerge. When this happens a survivor may find it safer to retreat than to participate in family functions (especially if the abuse wasn't acknowledge along with the complicated feelings that being hurt or unprotected by someone you love and depended on can bring up). It is important that survivors find what works best for them in order to stay emotionally healthy. While one survivor may find shunning Mother's Day altogether the safest, another may find that they do want to spend some time with their family, but set some boundaries as to how long they stay or where they spend this time. Other survivors may find it easier to make a phone call than to see their mother in person. Others yet may want to spend the day with friends or mentors. Some survivors have made Mother's day an opportunity for giving--they volunteer in orphanages and children's homes, call their local nursing home to find if there are residents without families who may appreciate a visitor on a day when other residents have family come, or spend time with an elderly or lonely neighbor. What is most important is that each person be kind to themselves, no matter what they decided. If you have a survivor in your family--you can help support them by respecting their decision, especially if they decide not to participate.

Marleen said:

"Every year when 'Mother's Day' approaches I get together with a group of my friends who are all survivors and we honor each other for helping ourselves re-parent ourselves."

Lou shared:

"Mother's Day has always been a very difficult day for me. My mother was not my offender, but I know she was more than aware of the physical violence that went on in our home. She'd be sitting there watching TV as my father chased me around the room and then beat me with his belt. I cannot honor my mother. However, I do celebrate Mother's Day with my wife and children--my wife is a wonderful woman and mother. I don't know where I'd be today if it weren't for having such a kind and loving life-partner."

If you know someone who is a survivor of childhood abuse, it may be a good idea to check on them a few times on Mother's Day and let them know you understand.

If you are a survivor, maybe find a friend who is free and spend time with them. Remember, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

Mother's Day can be difficult not only because of its topic. Sometimes the day itself carries memories of pain. Holidays are a time when families tend to get together and routines are changed. There's often added stress of traveling, cleaning, and preparing meals. In healthy families this stress translates mostly as excitement and anticipation. Unfortunately, however, dysfunctional parents who are already inclined to use their children as an outlet for emotions and urges, are often even more likely to do so when under increased stress and anxiety. Many survivors of childhood abuse report that their abuse intensified around and during holidays, including Mother's Day.

Symptoms of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) can at times intensify around holidays, or get temporarily triggered even after periods of relative remission. If you experience an increase in disturbing thoughts, nightmares and flashbacks, try to remind yourself that these intrusions are about the past, that the abuse is over, and that the most important thing you can do for yourself is to be kind and gentle with yourself. If you find yourself beset by thoughts of self-harm or even suicide--reach out. Call a friend, a therapist, a hotline. You don't need to manage these overwhelming feelings alone.

Whatever you decided to do, remember that this is your life to live and that things can change with time--you may never want to have anything to do with your family or the holiday ever again, or you may find that several years down the road you are ready to make new or partial plans. You are not wrong or bad for having second and third and forth thoughts about if and how to celebrate holidays--any holiday! Look into yourself and identify what it is you need, then do your best to do it. Be kind to yourself as you make the adjustments you need to make.

And...most importantly...Todah Rabah for Surviving!

The dangers of doing nothing - Rabbi Hershy Worch

Over the last few years The Awareness Center has done what it could to alert the public about the serious allegations made against Rabbi Hershy WorchThe Awareness Center's Daily Newsletter - April 12, 2006



The Awareness Center has had several "Calls to Action" including one requesting the Rabbinical Council of America, the Orthodox Union and the Chicago Rabbinical Council to make a public statement denouncing Hershy Worch's behavior of professional sexual misconduct. Remember Hershy Worch was ordained by Shlomo Carlebach, which makes him an orthodox rabbi. The problem has been is that he does NOT belong to any rabbinical association. Meaning no one wants to get involved. The problem is that "it takes a village to raise a child, including children who grow up to be sex offenders." Hershy Worch is everyone's problem, and as a people we all have a responsibility to protect others from any potential future harm.

The Awareness Center was just made aware that the Jewish Ledger (West Hartford, CT) is promoting a haggadah created by "rabbi" Hershy Worch. I'm sure they are unaware of the serious allegations made against this man. By their promotion of this haggadah may put unsuspecting women at risk of harm. It also may seen as legitimizing his writings. Remember, Hershy Worch is the author of his "Torah of Desire."

The Awareness Center is asking everyone to call and write the Rabbinical Council of America and the Orthodox Union to demand they make a public statement denouncing Rabbi Hershy Worch's behavior; and also the Jewish Ledger to make them aware of the allegations.

Please read the article below and contact the following organizations and individuals below so that your voice can be heard.

Sincerely,
Vicki Polin, MA, ATR, LCPC - Executive Director
The Awareness Center
(the Jewish Coalition Against Sexual Abuse/Assault)
P.O. Box 65273
Baltimore, MD 21209
443-857-5560

___________________________________
Rabbinical Council of America
Rabbi Basil Herring - Executive Vice President
Rabbi Dale Polakoff - President
305 Seventh Avenue, 12th Floor
New York, New York 10001
Phone: 212-807-7888
Fax: 212-727-8452
bherring@rabbis.org
dpolkoff@rabbis.org

Orthodox Union
Rabbi Dr. Tzvi Hersh Weinreb
execthw@ou.org
212-613-8264

Jewish Ledger
Lisa S. Lenkiewicz - Managing Editor
NRG Connecticut LLC - Publisher
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Jeremy Hershy Worch was born in Manchester, England, on May 20, 1954. He recieved his smicha (ordaination) from Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach in 1992.

There have been several serious allegations made claiming Reb Hershy's behavior as being predatory, manipulative and sexually abusive. Allegations have been made in while residing in Chicago; from a group from the Hamakom Synagogue in Melbourne, Australia; and from other locations.

Rabbi Worch has been accused of utilizing a mixture of kabbalah, hypno-eroticism and other manipulative techniques to enagage his potential victims prior to sexually assaulting them.

There have been allegations that Reb Hershy creates a cult-like devotion to himself utilizing trance-like-states, guided meditation, hypnosis; all under the guise of kabbalah teachings. Allegedly his MO (modus operandi) has been to use such techniques on women with histories of childhood abuse, so that he can lead them into BDSM (Bondage, Domination, Sadism, Masochism). activities with him.

Rabbi Worch has allegedly written a "BDSM-Kabbalah" and finds his "students" over the internet, primarily through his Livejournal "Kabbalah_101" community.

How The Awareness Center got started

How The Awareness Center, Inc. Got Started

© (2003, revised 2006) The Awareness Center, Inc.

One of the most common question asked is “How did The Awareness Center get started?"

The original concept came to Vicki Polin back in the 1980's when she was working for one of the first organizations developed to address incest and other forms of childhood sexual abuse.

The organization would get calls from Survivors of childhood sexual abuse from all over the world. Vicki’s job was to help them find a therapist, therapy or self-help group, dentist or medical doctor, attorneys, etc., who had experience working with sexual victimization issues.

This was no easy task back then. The organization didn't have a computer, let alone a typewriter. The office was the size of six bathtubs lined up together.

Advocacy for sexual violence survivors was still in its infancy, definitely back in the dark ages. Its hard to believe that Vicki could accomplish the goal of finding resources for survivors using a good atlas, a card file, pen and paper.  

There was a serious problem though. Vicki had an extremely difficult time finding resources for survivors who were Jewish. All too often when survivors called, they would disclose that when they went to their rabbis for help, they would be met with disbelief. Needless to say Jewish Survivors often felt shamed for their disclosures.

During the 1980’s most of the original self-help groups had a Christian tint to them. Vicki wasn't religious, had no affiliation, yet she felt extremely uncomfortable referring Jews to these groups.  

She recollects speaking to one of the board members of the organization, and was allowed to create a "Special Interest Group" (SIG) for Survivors who were Jewish. It was basically a pen-pal group via snail mail (this was the days before the Internet). The SIG helped, but it definitely wasn't the solution.

Over the years Vicki kept suggesting to various mental health professionals and rabbis that there needed to be an organization that addressed sexual violence in Jewish communities, but nothing developed. Vicki really expected someone else to create an organization like The Awareness Center.

Late in 1997, due to injuries to both her feet and hands (which were in braces and casts), Vicki found herself using the Internet to communicate with the outside world. This went on for a three-year period. During much of this time period Vicki was unable to hold anything, including a telephone. She was fortunate enough to have enough movement in her fingers, that allowed her to type. Needless to say, she found herself online a lot.

Vicki ended up finding long lost friends and relatives, including a cousin with whom a friendship developed. Her cousin saw her going into a new age chat room and got upset. Vicki’s cousin dealt with her feelings by sending Vicki a link to a Jewish chat room on AOL. Vicki always jokes “I guess you can say that's when my Jewish learning began, and why I often refer to myself as a Cyberian Jew.”

Starting in 1998, Vicki was volunteering time hosting chat discussions on AOL in the Jewish Community on line. One of those chats included a sort of self-help group for Jewish Adult Survivors of childhood sexual abuse and those who work with them. During that time she also started an E-group at Yahoo to keep individuals updated on what was happening in the sexual trauma field that targeted the Jewish Community.

Vicki's Jewish education slowly moved off the Internet and on into reality. In 1999 she spent some time at a women's yeshiva in Israel, coming back to Chicago, then a little over a year later moving back to Jerusalem, and then on to Baltimore, MD.

Upon returning from Vicki's first trip to Jerusalem, she started updating and changing her old web page that focused on her private practice to an organization that addressed sexual violence in Jewish Communities around the world.

After moving to Jerusalem, Vicki started sending out networking e-mail's, telling people about the new organization that was developing and also a call for help. Her efforts paid off, and that was how contact was originally made with several members of original board. 

The original plan was to develop an international conference on sexual abuse/assault in Israel. Due to health issues Vicki was forced to return to the States. The idea of the conference and organization would have to be put on hold. 

As things gradually progressed, The Awareness Center began to develop various e-mail networking and self-help groups for professionals, rabbis, adult survivors and family members (both of survivors and offenders).

Within months of Vicki's move to Baltimore, a journalist from the Baltimore Jewish Times contacted The Awareness Center, and featured us in a story. A few months later we were mentioned in the Washington Post and the New York Jewish Times. Once that happened, we really began to help survivors of sexual violence have a voice.

Today The Awareness Center, Inc. is a nonprofit, tax exempt organization. Our focus is on education and referral. We offer several different on line networking groups for professionals and rabbis, a daily newsletter, and various self-help networking groups for survivors, family members of sex offenders, and parents of sexually abused children. We also offer a speakers bureau, and about to launch our first in person self-help group for Jewish Survivors of Sexual Abuse and Assault in the Baltimore area. 

Our web page provides everything you can think of that relates to healing, treating offenders, helping family members (of both survivors and offenders), networking; and most importantly, educating our communities on the ramifications of sexual violence, and ways of making changes.

Once we obtain the needed funding, The Awareness Center will be starting our educational, certification program for rabbis as a way of providing the information they need to better serve their communities. We will be also hosting an international summit/conference to bring rabbinic leaders, medical and mental health professionals, legal and law enforcement officials, parents, and survivors, together so that we can begin discussing the issues and start the healing process our communities desperately need.

The power of the Internet really amazes me. With just the click of a button, a small group of people CAN very easily change the world.

Learning to make a web page, and getting that web page into a search engine can lead to helping individuals, families and a community heal. If it not for the Internet, The Awareness Center would not be what it is today. We would never have met so many truly inspiring individuals.

Surviving Passover: Jewish Survivors of Incest and other forms of child abuse

© (2003, Revised 2006) by Na'ama Yehuda, MSC, SLP, TSHH and Vicki Polin, MA, LCPC

Originally published in The Awareness Center's Daily Newsletter

There are many issues surrounding holidays and childhood sexual abuse that have rarely, if ever been addressed in our communities. One of those issues pertains directly to surviving Jewish holidays.

It's not too surprising that many adult survivors of childhood abuse (emotional, physical and sexual abuse) have difficult times during Passover (Pesach), as this time of the year can bring up painful memories of families get together and that routines are changed. Plus there is the added stress of cleaning your home top to bottom, preparing, and "doing it right." These issues alone can be extremely stress producing; yet in a home where violence occurred, would most likely lead to an increase of abuse.

Parents who are already inclined to use their children as an outlet for emotions and urges, are even more likely to do so when under the pressure of increased anxiety.

Many survivors of childhood abuse report that they were abused more around and over a holiday period then any other time of the year. Remember Passover brings with it--on top of cooking and cleaning--an added financial burden.

This is written as a reminder to all survivors of child abuse -- YOU ARE NOT ALONE. It is not uncommon for symptoms of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) to emerge this time of year, even after times of relative remission and/or intensify in those already struggling.

It is not unusual for Survivors to experience an increase in disturbing thoughts, nightmares and flashbacks. Thoughts of self-harm, even suicide, may be an issue. The important thing to remember is these feelings are about the past, the abuse is over, and that it is of utmost importance for you to be kind to and gentle with yourself.

Over the years we have spoken to many adult survivors who find it very painful to even consider going to a seder. This is OK. Someday you may feel different, but if the pain is too intense, it is important that you do things that can be healing. Set healthy boundaries for yourself and do what feels safe for you. If you have a rabbi that is sensitive to child abuse issues, discuss these issues with him or her.

One survivor shared that she felt uncomfortable not doing anything for Pesach, so she'd rent the "Ten Commandments" each year on Seder nights and watch it, forming her own ritual of remembering the events that lead to the Seder night. Another survivor would invite other Jewish Survivors over to her home and they would use "The Survivors Haggadah" for their services. Another person used the time before Pesach for "spring cleaning" her relationships--reconnecting with friends with whom she feels safe, airing out the achievements of the last year and making resolutions for added liberation from her past for the coming year. The survivors above found a way to celebrate a "modified" Pesach, but there are many others for who just try to survive this time of year by pretending that there is no such thing as Pesach.

The goal is for you to do things that are healing and brings about an emotional freedom. Remember you are not alone, not wrong, not bad for having second and third and forth thoughts about how to celebrate and if to celebrate the holiday.

Look into yourself and see what you need, then do what you can to do it. Be kind to yourself for needing to make these adjustments. And remember, when Bney-Israel left Egypt to walk toward a new era--they were walking from a place they knew, but was of pain, to a place unknown, but free. The essence of the Seder night is to remember, and ask why, and be expected to understand and participate only to the extent one can.

Have a gentle, safe holiday!