Letters to the Editor - Combat sex offenders

USA Today - July 27, 2005

 

After 20 years of advocating for those who are survivors of sexual violence, it's hard to believe there is finally a national registry of sex offenders (National online registry of sex offenders launched, News, July 21). 

Now, I think it's time for federal laws on the books that would stimulate a uniform approach to sexual offenses. The reality is that too many states are considered to be "sex-offender friendly." 

I also believe it's imperative that we have not only a national sex offender registry, but also an international one. We know that both alleged and convicted sex offenders move from one state to the next to avoid prosecution, but they also move from one country to another. We need to protect potential victims not only in the United States, but also in the world.

There also needs to be a federal law that abolishes the idea of statutes of limitations on civil and criminal charges when the crime is related to sexual violence. Canada, for example, has no such statutes on these sorts of crimes. We need to make our country safe for everyone.

Vicki Polin, executive director

The Awareness Center: Jewish Coalition Against Sexual Abuse/Assault

Letters to the Editor - Cycle of abuse

Cycle of abuse

Haaretz - July 22, 2005

Regarding "5 youths from W. Bank settlement suspected of raping 9-year-old girl," July 14

It is both sad and painful each and every time I read about another case where preteens or teenagers are suspected of sexually assaulting another child. Most people are not aware of the fact that at least 90 percent of sex offenders were sexually abused as children. Reading this article, one has to stop and wonder if all five of the alleged offenders were sexually abused, and if so, who were the offenders. I also wonder if there were signs that these boys needed help. If there were, why wasn't anything done?

We as a community need to do whatever it takes to protect our children from being sexually abused and assaulted. We need to do whatever it takes to make sure that those who commit these offenses are in treatment, and are monitored to protect others from becoming the next victims.

Vicki Polin,

Exec. director,

The Awareness Center: the Jewish Coalition Against Sexual Abuse/Assault

Baltimore, MD

Letters to the Editor - Sex offender registries

Letters to the Editor

Sex offender registries

Kansas City Star - July 7, 2005

 

It amazes me, knowing what we know about sex offenders, that anyone would question the constitutionality of a state sex offender registry in Missouri (6/30, Metro, "Court to consider sex offender law").

According to a 1997 study (Prentky, Lee, Knight and Cerce), 52 percent of sex offenders re-offend over a 25-year period. Not only is it critical that there be a sex offender registry in Missouri, but there should be a national sex offender registry as well.

Offenders tend to move around, as in the case of William Webb. He was on the registry in the state of Washington because of a child molestation conviction in 1992. Recently, he was able to get a license to teach driver's education to high school students in Wisconsin because officials were unaware of his criminal background.

We need to start demanding criminal background checks of anyone to be licensed or employed to work with children. We also need to start lobbying our lawmakers to subsidize the cost of these expensive background checks.

It's true this is not foolproof, as not all sex offenders have been convicted or placed on a registry. But it is a step in the right direction.

Letters to the Editor - Rape victims must be honored

Letters to the Editor 

Rape victims must be honored

Christian Science Monitor - July 5, 2005

In response to the June 27 article, "A rape victim defies traditional code": Thank you for writing such an important article. I'm sure rape victims from many different cultures and religions could relate to it.

It's sad to say that even today in many cultures, it is believed that if it became known that a woman was sexually assaulted, her reputation would be tarnished, as would that of her family. We need to start sending messages to our children and our neighbors that the offender is the criminal, and that the rape victim should be honored and respected.

Vicki Polin

Executive Director, The Awareness Center: The Jewish Coalition Against Sexual Abuse/Assault

Baltimore

Letters to the Editor - Let survivors speak

Letters to the Editor

Let survivors speak

Chicago Herald News - June 22, 2005

I wanted to thank you for writing such an important article as you did with the story of sexual abuse survivor Bobby Drish, ("Abuse allegations go online," June 16). The Awareness Center is the international Jewish Coalition Against Sexual Abuse/Assault. We also have many stories similar to that of Bobby Drish. It saddens me a great deal every time I hear of another case where the survivor was blamed and not believed. I was so happy that you gave Bobby the opportunity to empower himself enough to bear witness and tell his story.

 

It is vitally important for newspapers like yours to allow survivors to have a voice. Not only does it help survivors heal, it also offers an opportunity for others to know they are not alone and gives our communities the chance to understand the ramification sexual violence has on our lives.

 

Vicki Polin, Executive Eirector

The Awareness Center

Baltimore, MD.

Letters to the Editor - Fleeing the scene

Letters to the Editor

Fleeing the scene

Jerusalem Post - June 16, 2005

Sir, – Re "Missing Arizona rabbi faces child abuse charges" (June 9): I wanted to thank Sam Ser and The Jerusalem Post for writing this article. As I'm sure you are aware, it's not uncommon for individuals accused of sexual crimes to flee the community where the accusations have been made. 

Unfortunately, many from Jewish communities tend to flee to Israel to avoid prosecution. We have also seen a trend in which those who end up in Israel change their names to avoid detection.

My hope is that Rabbi David E. Lipman will soon be found alive and well and able to face the charges being brought against him.

 

Vicki Polin, Executive Director

The Awareness Center (Jewish Coalition Against Sexual Abuse/Assault)

Baltimore, MD

Letters to the Editor - Kudos For Courage

Letters to the Editor

Kudos For Courage

Baltimore Jewish Times - May 25, 2005

I thank Editor Phil Jacobs and the Baltimore Jewish Times for the courage it took to publish the recent articles regarding Judge Robert I. Hammerman.

My heart goes out to "Barry" and the others who had the experience of feeling sexually victimized by a man who had so much power and control. It saddens me a great deal to see how badly our community needs to be educated on the symptoms and ramifications sexual violence plays on both children and adults.

My hope is that our community will be more open to offering support to those who have been violated, and do what it can to help those who offend to stop.

It's important to realize that even if an alleged offender has passed away, the violence he caused others will live on. To discredit someone who has been violated is a shameful thing.

Vicki Polin

The Awareness Center, Inc.

Baltimore, MD

Letter to the Editor - Errors regarding the case of Rabbi Mordecai Tendler

Letter to the Editor - Errors regarding the case of Rabbi Mordecai Tendler

Jewish Press - May 4, 2005

 
Dear Editor,
I wanted to start off by informing you of the many errors I've found in your recent articles relating to the allegations of rabbinical sexual misconduct by Rabbi Mordecai Tendler. In this letter I am only going to address the many errors that I found that are directly related to The Awareness Center. Please feel free to call me to discuss these issues. I can be reached at 443-857-5560.

1. The Awareness Center is more then just a "website". We are a (Sexual Violence) Victims Rights Advocacy organization. Our organization offers a clearinghouse of information on various issues pertaining to the topic of sexual violence. As of today, The Awareness Center is the only Jewish organization that focuses purely on helping survivors of incest, sexual abuse, sexual assault, sexual harassment and rabbinical sexual misconduct.

Only a small part of our time and web page focuses on listing the names of alleged and convicted sex offenders. I think it's important to mention that for years there has been an ongoing trend for alleged and convicted offenders to move from one community to the next, leaving a trail of survivors behind. There have been several incidents where the alleged and also convicted offenders will move from city, state or even country to another, to avoid prosecution and or because they were chased out of town. There has also been a trend that they will change their names from their English names to Hebrew names. The Awareness Center tracks these occurrences the best we can as a way to prevent any future victims. The Awareness Center also offers resources for those who do offend and are seeking help, and also for family members of alleged and convicted sex offenders. For more information go to: http://www.theawarenesscenter.org/offenders.html and http://www.theawarenesscenter.org/familymembermolests.html

2. Rabbi Mark Dratch resigned from the Advisory Board of The Awareness Center quite awhile ago. Rabbi Dratch has never been a member of our Board of Directors. He never had a decision making role in our organization. In your article "An Inappropriate Process (Part IV) dated April 28, 2005, you stated Rabbi Mark Dratch is currently on our board of directors. He is not. You can easily verify this information by going to our web page: http://www.theawarenesscenter.org/board.html

3. The Awareness Center is NOT an investigator organization. We are a clearinghouse of information. We have policies in place of what goes up on our list of alleged and convicted offenders. To view our policies go to: http://theawarenesscenter.org/policies.html

4. The Awareness Center had nothing to do with the way the Vaad Hakavod operated. I personally wish we had been able to, yet that has never been the role of our organization. Please remember we are an educational and advocacy organization. The role our organization usually plays in any case has been to provide information and resources to those who have stated they had been sexual victimized. We have also supplied information and resources to those in supportive roles to survivors, to family members of alleged and convicted offenders, and also to alleged and convicted offenders.

Considering all of the information provided above that is readily available to anyone on our web page, I find it amazing that there have been so many errors in your articles. I am also surprised that no one from your paper has ever contacted The Awareness Center.

On another note, I felt that it was important to thank you for calling The Awareness Center "notorious." I had no idea that an organization that is supported purely by volunteers and which has very little funding could have such an impact in the orthodox world. I'm amazed that it would be considered "notorious."

It makes one have to stop and wonder, why you feel it is so threatening for an organization to advocate to those who have felt they have been sexually violated.

Sincerely,
Vicki Polin, Executive Director
The Awareness Center

Rabbis, confidentiality and other ethical issues

(This article was co-authored by Michael J. Salamon, PhD., and originally published by The Awareness Center back in 2005 and republished by The Times of Israel on March 3, 2015)

Growing up in the United States means you most likely know something about the Christian faith and their concept of confession. The most commonly known format is the one used within the Catholic church where an individual goes to a priest and confesses their sins. It is understood that what they tell a priest would be kept confidential. This is a hallmark of the Catholic faith. 

Often many individuals seek out spiritual guidance, which is considered a form of counseling, from their clergy. The problem is that in the US, there is a separation between Church and State and there are no laws on the books stating that clergy are required to keep what is said confidential. Talking to a spiritual advisor is the same as talking to a friend. Prior to communicating personal information with someone, it is always suggested that you establish a degree of trust between that person and yourself. 

If you should tell a friend secrets about yourself you have no way of being assured that what you tell them would be kept confidential. If your friend were to share personal information about you, you would have no legal recourse — except if what they said is untrue. The same could be said about any member of the clergy that you would communicate with.

One remedy to this situation is to have some sort of signed document between yourself and the clergy member (a written contract). If there would be a breach in the contract then you would have some legal standing in a law suit.

There is a difference when you speak to a licensed mental health provider and a rabbi, priest, or other spiritual advisor. A licensed mental health provider is bound by the ethics of their degree, and is required to follow the state and federal laws, pertaining to confidentiality. A rabbi, priest or other members of the clergy are not regulated and there is no legal remedies to situations relating to the violation of confidentiality.

It is also important to note that mental health providers are mandated reporters. What this means is that if you are a danger to yourself, or someone else — they are obligated by law to report it to the proper authorities. If a child is at risk of harm, they can NOT keep that information confidential. Many advocates for children believes the same should be true with clergy.

One suggestion is that prior to disclosing personal information about yourself or a loved one, you might want to consider writing up a document and have your clergy member and a witness sign and date it.

Another suggestion is that all synagogues and or other organizations that employ a rabbi or other clergy member have a written blanket statement regarding confidentiality, and make the statement legally binding.

Below are some suggestions and points that you may want to include in such a document.

1. Your name
2. The clergy members name and or the name of the organization/synagogue they are employed.
3. The date the confidentiality agreement is signed.
4. A statement stating the types of information that you request to be kept confidential.
5. A statement acknowledging the concept of mandated reporting.

Letters to the Editor - Burden of Incest

Letters to the Editor - Burden of Incest

Jewish Journal - Feb. 3, 2005

 

I want to thank The Jewish Journal for publishing the article "Shouldering the Burden of Incest" (Jan. 28). It is an extremely important article, and one that I know will help other incest survivors who have to deal with the same issues as the journalist who wrote the article. 

Please let the author know how much The Awareness Center honors, respects and thanks him/her for giving the courage for being open and honest about her experiences.

This article allows other survivors out there to know they are not alone, and that there are people out there who have had similar experiences, care and want to do something to help.

Vicki Polin
Executive Director
The Awareness Center (The Jewish Coalition Against Sexual Abuse/Assault)

Consciousness Raising Groups

Vicki Polin Interviewed by Luke Ford regarding rabbi Saul Berman

Vicki Polin Interviewed by Luke Ford regarding rabbi Saul Berman

Luke: "What is rabbi Saul Berman's complaint with the center?" 

Vicki: "His complaint has mainly to do with our handling of the case of rabbi Mordechai Gafni. From the beginning, I've had no idea where he was coming from and why he is trying to protect an individual who confessed to statuary rape a 13-year old girl. Rabbi Gafni has never shown any signs of remorse. He has never made teshuva [repentance] to the individual he assaulted. Rabbi Berman has sent The Awareness Center several long elaborate letters of complaint. No matter what we did or said, he just wasn't satisfied. It's obvious that he is lacking the needed education so that he could have a better understanding of sex offenders and in working with survivors of sexual violence. It saddens and scares me that a man of his statute is not willing to learn." 

*********************************************
Luke Ford's Entire Interview with Vicki Polin
December 15, 2004

I call Vicki Polin Wednesday night, December 15, 2004. She runs The Awareness Center.

Luke: "Tell me why you started The Awareness Center?"

Vicki: "I've been working in the sexual victimization field since 1985. I started as a volunteer, and then went back to school to get my degrees. As time has gone on, I've gotten more in touch with my Jewish identity. I started to realize that there was nothing out there for the Jewish survivors of sexual violence. For years I told other people to start something, no one did, so I ended up creating The Awareness Center. 

"It was a gradual process. In April of 1999, I started changing my private practice web page into The Awareness Center as it is now. 

"Back in the early 1990's, I was working in a rape crisis center on the South side of Chicago. I was a clinical sex abuse therapist, working with kids who were sexually abused. I was the fifth Caucasian hired and the first Jew. As I worked with the kids, I had to learn about black history, Kwanzaa, and black power. I started realizing that I knew more about their heritage than I did about my own. That's when I started learning about Judaism." 

Luke: "How did you start getting support for The Awareness Center, particularly from Orthodox rabbis?" 

Vicki: "As I was recreating the web page (theawarenesscenter.org), I was also googling Jewish web pages finding e-mail addresses and sending notes to everyone who had an e-mail address listed -- letting them know what I was doing and asking if they were interested in joining forces. That's how I met Na'ama Yehuda, Dr. Michael Salamon and rabbi [Yosef] Blau and rabbi [Mark] Dratch. I'll never forget when I got an e-mail back from rabbi Blau, I didn't know who he was. I had to ask someone who he was. My friend told me he was OK and I should contact him. I did that immediately and the rest is history." 

Luke: "What have been the typical areas of conflict between you and Orthodox rabbis regarding the center?" 

Vicki: "It seems that everybody has a different perspective on halacha and the way we deal with cases. It all depends on which case we're dealing with, what the halacha seems to be." 

Luke: "Why did rabbi Dratch leave the center?" 

Vicki: "He was under a great deal of pressure with his position with the RCA. It was a conflict of interest between the two organizations. You would have to ask him." 

Luke: "How is dealing with sexual abuse different in the Orthodox world than outside of it?"

Vicki: "First of all, the Awareness Center is not an Orthodox organization. It is a Jewish organization. We have individuals calling us from all affiliations and including those from no affiliation. On our web page we have cases of alleged and convicted rabbi abuse from every affiliation.

"In the secular world, people read newspapers and watch TV. They tend to be pretty progressive in the way they see individuals who have been sexually victimized, especially children. In the Orthodox world, it is often so insulated, that I feel that I am back in the 1980s trying to educate them on the basics. Many just don't have the information available to them that they need." 

Luke: "How do you tell the truth when someone alleges sexual abuse?" 

Vicki: "One of the myths that people have is that the majority of claims individuals make of sexual violence are made up. You have to realize that it is only 1-2 percent of cases where there might be false allegations. If and when there is a case of false allegations -- it is usually a cry for help, something else is going on in the life of the individual. Either way, the individual needs help. 

"One of the things The Awareness Center does is to look for consistency in what a caller is saying. 

"The statistics of occurrences of childhood sexual abuse is the same in the Orthodox world as it is in the secular world. I even read a study some time ago saying the statistics are the same in rural China. Basically one out of three-to-five women and one out of every five-to-seven men have been sexually abused by their 18th birthday." 

Luke: "Don't you think the Jewish community is taking this more seriously than it has in the past?" 

Vicki: "It depends on which community you are talking about. I was recently talking to a rabbi from an extremely insulated community -- he basically was saying that anybody who makes these kind of allegations is crazy. It appeared that he bought into the myth that 'Jewish people don't abuse their children.' It enraged me, and made me more determined to do what ever I could to make sure our rabbinic leaders become educated." 

Luke: "What is rabbi Saul Berman's complaint with the center?" 

Vicki: "His complaint has mainly to do with our handling of the case of rabbi Mordechai Gafni. From the beginning, I've had no idea where he was coming from and why he is trying to protect an individual who confessed to statuary rape a 13-year old girl. Rabbi Gafni has never shown any signs of remorse. He has never made teshuva [repentance] to the individual he assaulted. Rabbi Berman has sent The Awareness Center several long elaborate letters of complaint. No matter what we did or said, he just wasn't satisfied. It's obvious that he is lacking the needed education so that he could have a better understanding of sex offenders and in working with survivors of sexual violence. It saddens and scares me that a man of his statute is not willing to learn." 

Luke: "Do you feel like you need to educate these rabbis?" 

Vicki: "Definitely. I'd love to do training with them. One of the long-term goals of The Awareness Center is to have some kind of certification program for rabbis. Once they are educated we would be able to use them as referral sources for survivors, their family members and those who offend." 

Luke: "How much training does a rabbi need?" 

Vicki: "When I worked as a rape victims advocate, I had to undergo a 40-hour training on some of the basics. That's what I wanted to start out with. Rabbis need to understand what the symptoms are of someone who has been sexually violated (both adults and children). They need to know about the different types of sex offenders, and how to help families members of sex offenders. They also need to know what to do when an alleged or convicted sex offender comes to their minyan. They need to know some of the basics of how to make their minyans safe for everyone." 

Luke: "What role does rabbi Blau play with the center?" 

Vicki: "He's my partner in crime. He is our halachic advisor, does a lot of hands on work -- doing a lot of case management. And most important, he's always explaining to me -- who's who in the Orthodox world." 

Luke: "Do you believe that God called you to be a sex abuse victims advocate?" 

Vicki: "It's hard for me to say that it comes from God. Please remember that I come from an atheist background. I'm really learning as I go along. What I feel comfortable saying is that the universe has opened its doors in this direction for me. Every time I try to walk away, it just doesn't let me."

Luke: "Have you ever been romantically or sexually involved with someone you were [counseling]?"

Vicki: "No."

Luke: "What do you think about suppressed memories, are they valid?"

Vicki: "Instead of me answering this question, I would like to refer you to a dynamic web page that discusses all of the relevant information on the topic." 

Luke: "Is the center a one woman show?"

Vicki: "The Awareness Center is a coalition of several different individuals who are dedicated to ending sexual victimization in Jewish communities around the world. We currently are all volunteers (I can't wait until the day we have the funding we need to hire staff). I may be the most visable, but we have a team effort going on. We would not be able to do the work I'm doing without Rabbi Yosef Blau, Na'ama Yehuda, Dr. Michael Salamon, Renee Cannella, San, Adam and a slew of other people. 

Luke: "Are you the poster “Me” (AKA: Jewish Whistleblower)?"

Vicki: "I am NOT the individual who posted on the Protocols blog, who used the name of "ME" (AKA: Jewish Whistleblower). I wish I was as intellegent and as articulate. The "ME" poster has a vast knowledge of Hebrew and Torah. I don't."

FlashBack to the Future

Child Abuse Vs. White Collar Crime

1,320,000 Jewish survivors of CSA living in the United States today!

© (2004) by Vicki Polin, MA, LCPC
Originally published in The Awareness Center's Daily Newsletter - December 1, 2004

Too many adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse feel that they are alone. There are times survivors feel that they will never “fit in” because of what happened to them as a child.  The truth is that they are not the only ones who feels this way -- it’s a common theme for most of those who were emotionally, psychologically, physically and or sexually abused as children.  It is also a fact that many adult survivors of all forms of child abuse report that keeping secrets and remaining silent -- often leads to a severe depression.

We all have to remember that according to statistics (in just about every country), that one-fourth of the population has been sexually abused by the time they reach their eighteenth birthday.

Considering there are just about 306,000,00 people in the United States, there are just about 76,500,000 survivors of child sexual abuse.  There are about 5,280,000 Jews living in the US -- meaning there at least 1,320,000 are survivors.  According to the Israeli Central Bureau of Statistics there are around 5,432,700 Jews living in Israel -- meaning there are around 1,358,700 Jewish survivors of child molestation.

It’s very difficult to deal with the denial in Jewish communities.  I have to admit that I get extremely frustrated when I hear how much time and money is spent making sure a cow is kosher, that an eruv is in place or the time, money and research put into the kiruv movement (Jewish outreach) -- yet when it comes to shining a light on child molestation, no one wants to hear about it nor fund organizations like The Awareness Center (International Jewish Coalition Against Sexual Assault).

Over the last nine years I heard story after story coming from observant communities where parents are told if they report sex crimes to law enforcement -- their children will no longer be allowed to attend Jewish day schools or yeshivas . . . or that their children will not find a good shuddich (marriage partner).  In some orthodox communities parents are told if they tell anyone their child was molested the school would have no choice but to expel the child “for having sexual relations”.  Instead of getting the needed help and protecting other children from the same fate, parents and community members are bullied into silence.

I often think about the political strength survivors of sex crimes and non-offending family members would have if we all banded together and start speaking out.  I truly believe that a small group of people can make a difference.  We need individuals to be trained by legitimate Rape Crisis Centers in becoming certified advocates. We also need each and everyone of you to learn how to use your voices.  We all must organize and speak out against the injustices we have faced in our communities.

Too many of our rabbis and other community leaders have a responsibility to stop this shame/blame game they have been using against our most vulnerable.  We must demand that they start allowing education programs in their congregations on all aspects of rape prevention and start to offer proper and appropriate help to those who have been victimized as children.  We must demand that our rabbis honor and respect those who have been abused -- just as they would any veteran of war.  Survivors of all forms of child abuse should be seen as hero’s -- especially after they start coming forward to report the crimes to law enforcement and or speak out.

As survivors we all have a responsibility to do our part to ensure our offenders are reported to law enforcement officials and hopefully brought to justice.  We gain power and control over our lives by these actions and also by using our voices.  Considering the fact that offenders have multiple victims, our silence can and does lead to more children becoming the next victim of a sex crime.

If you are a survivor of child abuse remember -- no matter what you are feeling remember you are not alone.  Things can and will change and get better.  I’ve seen it happen not only for myself -- but for other survivors too!  The pain you feel today is real and needs to be honored, respected and embraced. Your feelings are real -- but they will not always be so intense.  I know you will have many good days in the future and you have to believe that will happen.  One of the most important life lessons I’ve learned over the years is that when we are educated on the issues, have the right connections and determination -- each and everyone of us can help to make the world a better place for others who have been abused and also prevent one more child from being harmed.

Letter to the Editor - The Re-Invented Rabbi

By Vicki Polin - Executive Director, The Awareness Center

The Awareness Center - September 27, 2004 

(The following letter was sent to The New York Jewish Week in response to the article "The Re-Invented Rabbi")

Rabbi Marc Gafni (AKA: Mordechai Winiarz

The Awareness Center wants to thank Gary Rosenblatt and The Jewish Week for the courage it took to publish the story on Rabbi Mordechai Gafni (AKA: Marc Winartz, Mordechai Winiarz, Marc Gafni). We also want to thank the three women who were brave enough to share their "alleged" history of being sexually violated by such a prominent public figure. These three women should be seen as heroes. 

According to the article "The Re-Invented Rabbi", Rabbi Gafni confessed to having sexual relations with a 13 year old girl. He pointed out that he was "only 19 or 20 at the time of the relationship." According to New York law, an adult is someone who is age 18 or over.  Keeping this in mind, Gafni's actions would be considered "statutory rape." But we need to keep in mind that the "alleged" victim who was only 13 years old at the time is quoted as calling this "relationship" as "repeatedly sexually assaults over a nine-month period."
  
Rabbi Gafni is very fortunate that he committed this confessed crime in the United States. If he would have been a few hundred miles north in Canada, there is NO statute of limitation on sexual violence committed against minors. 

It's also hard not to believe the cases of Judy and Susan. If Rabbi Gafni confessed to having a "sexual relationship" with a 13 year old, how difficult is it to believe that he would also "allegedly" sexually assault a 16 year old who was living in his own home, or the alleged attempted rape of a 22-year-old woman. 

Judy stated in her recall of her assault that Mordechai was married to his second wife at the time, yet Gafni stated he only had "adult relationships with women at times when he was single, and was never abusive." He already confessed to having a "relationship" with a 13 year old, so who's telling the truth?

The Awareness Center is the Jewish Coalition Against Sexual Abuse/Assault (JCASA). We are an international clearinghouse of information that deals with sexual violence in Jewish Communities around the world. If you or someone you know has been sexually victimized, please feel free to contact us.

Vicki Polin, MA, ATR, LCPC

Executive Director - The Awareness Center 

Facing A Mixed Legacy: First Carlebach conference to grapple with issue of abuse head on; opposition to street naming.

By Adam Dickter - Staff Writer

The Jewish Week - September 9, 2004

As the 10th anniversary of Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach's death nears, his family and followers are working on a tribute to the charismatic man whose guitar-strumming, story-telling and bear-hugging approach to Judaism inspired a worldwide spiritual outreach movement that continues to thrive. 

But the first international conference on his legacy may be tempered by past allegations — some dating back decades — that the pioneering rabbi harassed or abused women, although no such accusation was brought publicly while he was alive. 

The Awareness Center, a Baltimore-based advocacy group for Jewish victims of sexual abuse, has issued a "call to action" against efforts to rename an Upper West Side street Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach Way. 

And in planning the three-day international conference here in late October to commemorate the rabbi's teachings, Carlebach followers seem to be tackling the issue head-on by scheduling a session on boundaries between rabbis and their disciples. 

Rabbi Naftali Citron, leader of the Carlebach Shul in Manhattan, which is organizing the conference, would not say if the session stemmed from the allegations, but cited increasing attention to the issue of relationships between clergy and their flocks. 

"This is more the reality of what is going on in the last few years," Rabbi Citron said. "Sometimes people get very close to their spiritual leaders." 

He said other sessions at the conference would include workshops on spiritual activism, how to start a Carlebach minyan, and new and old chasidic teachings. 

Rabbi Citron said it was unfair to allege improper behavior after Rabbi Carlebach's death.

"Reb Shlomo was a great man, and it pains me that different things are being said about him when he is not here to defend himself," Rabbi Citron said. "People could have come forward when he was alive to talk about what he did or didn't do." 

Amy Neustein, a sociologist who studies abuse in the Orthodox community, said until recently a perception of futility has kept such abuse victims from speaking out, as in the case of many religious communities. 

"They tend to hide their victimization because the community has hitherto been unresponsive to their plight," said Neustein, who contacted The Jewish Week in response to an e-mail from the Awareness Center. "What they often do is sacrifice their victims on the altar of shame." 

Allegations of impropriety by Rabbi Carlebach first became public four years after his death in a 1998 story in the feminist journal Lilith. The article claimed that he "sexually harassed or abused" women over the course of a Jewish outreach career spanning four decades. 

In the article, several women spoke of encounters with Rabbi Carlebach involving inappropriate contact or behavior. Others said they heard from other women about such experiences. 

According to Lilith, a group of Jewish women confronted the rabbi about his behavior in a private meeting in Berkeley, Calif., in the early 1980s and, after initially denying a problem, he declared, "Oy, this needs such a fixing," said participants. 

Rabbi Carlebach split from the Lubavitch movement in the 1950s, rejecting the strict separation of the sexes, and forged a brand of celebratory Judaism that encouraged the participation of women. Across the country today, his presence is felt in rousing Carlebach Shabbat ceremonies rich in song and dance at Modern Orthodox and other congregations.

He was known for literally embracing his followers, male and female — an untraditional practice among Orthodox rabbis. 

"It was a different time, a different way, a hippie kind of generation," said Rabbi Citron, a former student of Rabbi Carlebach. "It was no secret that he hugged and kissed women, and got plenty of flack from the religious community. From what I know of him he would never knowingly ever hurt somebody." 

But Vicki Polin, director of the Awareness Center in Baltimore, which is dedicated to addressing childhood sexual abuse in Jewish communities around the world, believes that renaming a street in honor of Rabbi Carlebach would be insensitive to those who have made allegations against him. 

"They also deserve to have a voice," Polin said. "It would be very difficult for them to walk down a street and see that it was named after him." 

Polin's Web site features a page on Rabbi Carlebach's history, including the Lilith article.

Penny Ryan, district manager of Community Board 7 in Manhattan, which must approve the name change before it is submitted to the City Council, said Tuesday that she had received several calls on the matter. 

"We asked them to come to the committee meeting when it will be discussed," Ryan said.

The meeting will be held Tuesday night at the community board's office. 

City Councilwoman Gale Brewer, whose district includes the Carlebach Shul on West 79th Street, where the street would be renamed, said she had been unaware of the allegations against the rabbi until Tuesday, when she heard from the community board about the calls. 

"I will go to the hearing and listen," Brewer said. "There will be discussions. I'd like to hear what everybody has to say. I know the daughters and the rabbi and I know they are good people." 

Carlebach's daughters, Neshama and Dari, have started an online petition to support the name change. 

"We have been given the opportunity to rename West 79th Street from Broadway to Riverside Drive in his name, Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach Way," reads an introduction on the petition. "It is only too appropriate to honor him in this way, to forever remember how he changed lives as he walked up and down this street." 

A call to Neshama Carlebach, who has followed in her father's footsteps as an inspirational singer, was returned by a family friend, Corey Baker. 

"It's too early, on such a sensitive issue, to be giving a comment," Baker said.

Rabbi Goldie Milgram, one of the women who told Lilith she was molested by the rabbi — in her case at a summer camp when she was 14 — said she would not oppose the street renaming in his honor. 

"There are many public figures who had significant shadow sides," said Rabbi Milgram, an author and teacher in Woodstock, N.Y. "It is not for us to remove the places they have earned with their work but to rejoice in the good they have done, to provide opportunities for healing those who were hurt and not denying their pain." 

Naomi Mark, a Manhattan psychotherapist and longtime student of Rabbi Carlebach who will participate in the boundaries panel at the conference, said the rabbi "never wanted to be a flawless guru." 

As the 10th anniversary of his passing approached, Mark said she hoped Rabbi Carlebach would be remembered for his ability to empathize and inspire. 

"He really understood our lives and the sense of alienation people sometimes feel living in the modern world, trying to juggle spirituality and Judaism in the context of the many contradictions they feel," Mark said. "He understood what those struggles are like and that's what made him different from other traditional rebbes.

Incest, Pregnancy, Abortion and Halacha (Jewish Law)

© (2004) By Vicki Polin, MA, LCPC, Michael J. Salamon, Ph.D., FICPP, and Na'ama Yehuda, MSC, SLP, TSHH

Originally published in The Awareness Center's Daily Newsletter

It is always difficult to talk about abortion, and even more so when religion is part of the conversation. Aside from the religious/Halachic questions, much of the debate becomes highly political. Nevertheless, The Awareness Center feels that it is imperative to address the extremely delicate issue of abortion, particularly when it comes to incest, sexual abuse, and sexual assault.

There is no doubt that life according to Jewish teaching is sacred. Pregnancy and procreation are encouraged as one of the most important "mitzvahs" (good deeds) for both Jewish men and women. Every person born, every "nefesh" (soul), is "as if a whole world is created" (Maimonides). That said, according to the Jewish view, we don't just make human beings: we are obligated to make humane human beings. As Jews, we are encouraged to follow a life of "Tzedaqah", a word that not only refers to justice, but to proactive use of good, such as mercy to the poor and needy. Justice, "Tzedaqah", is a prime Jewish virtue and needs to be applied to those already living, to our children, to their mothers, to our communities. Pregnancy is imperative to the survival of the Jewish nation. However, the life of those already living comes before the life of those yet to be born. A fetus, though precious, is not seen as having equal standing as a born person. Rashi, in his commenting on Sanhedrin 72b, says that a fetus is not deemed "nefesh"—a person—until the head emerges in the birthing process. Indeed, as a rule, the Halacha (Jewish Law) rules that a mother's health comes first. The Talmud says: "If a woman suffers hard labor and travail...her life takes precedence over it's (the fetus) life" (Mishne 6).

This precedence isn't limited to life and death situations. Take the case of a pregnant woman who had an ear infection. The doctors said that she could become deaf if she carried to term. The rabbinical response was that deafness "will ruin her life, make her miserable in all her days, make her undesirable in the eyes of her husband...therefore, she should be permitted to abort her fetus..." (Ben Zion Uziel, Mishpetei Uziel, Hoshen Mishpat, 3:46). Most religious authorities agree that not only physical health, but also the mental health of the mother is included. Under some conditions, such as to avoid disgrace in a case where a married woman got pregnant by another man, abortion is not only allowed, "it even may hold the reward of a mitzvah" (Jacob Emden, Responsa She'elat Ya'avetz, No. 34).

How can one possibly call abortion a "mitzvah"? Because sometimes the circumstances are that it is a meritorious action, a sacred choice. The right to choose an abortion has deep religious roots that are based in the "sanctity of life" and on the particular circumstances of each conception.

If a woman who strayed and got pregnant by another man might be allowed to abort the fetus—how much more so if the woman was raped? What if the fetus is the product of incest? What if the woman is still a child herself?

We at The Awareness Center believe it is up to each individual to decide for themselves the best way to handle their particular situation—and hopefully with the aid of compassionate and qualified help. Adults might have access to a support network of people to assist them. However, children often do not have such access, nor do they have the knowledge of how to handle the problem of pregnancy, or the burden of misplaced shame. For their sake, and the sake of adults without support, we find that it is of importance to suggest the following basic guidelines:

A. We strongly advocate that a minor, or an adult without a support network, find an adult with whom they can confide.

B. This person should be someone who is more than just trustworthy and someone the victim feels comfortable with, but someone who can give guidance and direction.

C. The supportive adult need not be the minor's parent (especially if the pregnancy is due to dysfunctional family patters and/or incest...): he or she could be a teacher, rabbi, neighbor, therapist, rape crisis counselor, medical doctor, or another trained professional.

D. Schools and communities need to provide sex-education programs that include information about rape-prevention, rape-crisis centers and hot-line numbers, so that minors in need know where to go.

E. Teachers and rabbis need to educate themselves about resources in their community, the legal and ethical issues of reporting child-abuse, and the Halachic ruling and/or resources in cases of pregnancies that are the product of rape and/or incest.

Perhaps it could be efficacious to further discuss these delicate situations anecdotally. Case histories of survivors who faced these dilemmas can help us gain critical insight for how to best address such troubling issues.

Diana was thirteen when she became pregnant by her father. She had no idea what was happening to her body. She'd gotten her period for the first time just the year before. When her period was late, she didn't feel like she could tell her mother—so she told one of her friends, Mandy, who had an older sister named Sarah. The three girls spent a lot of time talking and together they decided to call pregnancy hotlines to see what they suggested. What they learned was that if Diana said she was 15 or 16, she could have an abortion without telling her parents, but if she was younger she needed a parent's permission to abort. Diana would have to lie. The three girls made a plan: Mandy and Sarah would tell Diana's parents that Diana was coming to spend the weekend with them, and tell their parents that Diana's parents were going out of town and wanted Diana to stay with them. That Friday, the three girls cut school and went to the abortion clinic. When they were done they came home, and the sisters told their parents that Diana had the flu—an excuse for Diana to stay in bed for a few days to heal. If these girls had a trusted adult to approach, they would not have had to sneak around. Diana wouldn't have had to lie and possibly risk her life. The incest could have been stopped. Had their school provided a sex education program that included information on rape prevention and education, the girls would have known who to go to, Diana would have learned that there was help available to her. She would have known she was not to blame.

Esther was the typical teenager. Coming from a modest, religious home, she was an average student, very active in high school, and had many friends. However, she also had a secret. One she never shared. Esther was an incest survivor. Her father began molesting her at very early age, so much so that Esther couldn't remember her father not bedding with her. As she matured, Esther faced a dilemma—at sixteen, she had a boyfriend, Joel, and wanted to be sexually active with him. However, how could she sleep with Joel if she was also "sleeping" with her father? Having grown with incest as part of her life, and with secrecy, she couldn't see at the time how this conflict was intrinsically wrong! Esther decided that she would refuse her father, even though she knew such refusal would come at a price—refusing her father meant that he would become even more physically abusive to her than before. Esther knew the sacrifice she was making but wanted to be "true" to Joel.

Late every night her father would try to enter her bed, but Esther would tell him no. And every following day he'd find some reason to punish her, often to beat her. When her father's violence started getting to her, Esther remembered how her father would never sleep with her if she had her period. So every night before she went to bed, she would insert a tampon, and when her father came would tell him "not tonight daddy, I've got my period." At first he'd leave, and she was safe for another night, but after several weeks, when she told him once again that she had her period, her father erupted with rage, punched her, and pulled the tampon out, stating "I knew you were lying!" He then raped her.

Two weeks went by and Esther realized that she didn't get her period. As more days passed, she got very scared. She was never late before! Somewhere inside she knew she was pregnant. She didn't know what to do. Also, was she pregnant by Joel, or was she pregnant by her father's sexual assault? Joel had no idea that Esther was an incest survivor. He knew of the physical violence, but didn't know what to do about it. Esther decided to tell Joel that she was pregnant by him, and the two of them decided that it would be best for her to get an abortion. Esther was relieved—her real fear was that the baby was really a result of the rape... She needed help, but she didn't know what to do or who to talk to. Imagine how horrible it must be to be sixteen and not sure if you are pregnant by your boyfriend or your father!

As extreme as Esther's case might seem there are all too many like her, and if not properly addressed the ramifications of these situations can last a lifetime. Esther knew that she could never go to her mother for advice—her mother was herself a battered woman and as it was Esther felt responsible for her mother being hurt, often putting herself between her mother and father so that she would get hurt instead of her mom. Esther ended up keeping a terrible secret and going through the abortion by herself.

Unaddressed trauma can often last a lifetime. From the time she was 11 until she was 17, Varda was repeatedly raped by her older brother. She, too, had an abortion when she was 15. She, too, had to go through it alone. Telling her parents that she was going to visit summer-camp friends for a long weekend, Varda took a train out of state and paid for an abortion and a three-day stay at a motel with the money she earned baby-sitting. She had no one to ask for references about the abortion clinic she found in the yellow-pages, no one to help her when her fever shot up and she bled heavily and could barely keep down food or drink. Her parents never asked any questions. Twelve years later, at the age of 27, Varda is single. She makes excuses when she is offered dates and fears getting close to anyone—she is too scarred inside to have children. She is too ashamed to say why. Varda now lives alone and gets panic attacks whenever she goes to visit her family and sees her nephew play with her nieces or whenever she has to sit to the same table as her brother. She has difficulty sleeping and tends to withdraw from social activities. She suffers from severe clinical depression. Though there's no guarantee that early emotional support and clinical intervention could have prevented Varda's long-term consequences of trauma, maybe if she had someone to talk to, she wouldn't have ended up in a shady clinic, would be able to deal with the incest and raise a family of her own. She'd be spared the pain she is still going through now.

Jewish law teaches us that life is sacred, and that we are to cherish the living over the unborn. All the more so when the unborn was conceived through inconceivable acts. Following the teachings of "Tzedaqah", we are called to provide the needy and destitute with compassion and real-life help. Incest and rape can and do result in pregnancies. While we work to end sexual assault in our communities, we need to open our hearts and minds to support the victims of such crimes and to offer them information and help in their time of excruciating decisions. We need to let survivors of rape and incest see and feel that they hold no shame in our eyes—the shame is on those who hurt them. Let's educate our children so that they are no longer vulnerable, and educate ourselves so that we can help the ones who were taken advantage of. Abortion is never an easy thing to do, but in some cases it is not only allowed, it can even hold the reward of a Mitzvah!